The Week in Review | 01.18 - 01.24

Sunday, January 24, 2010
Hobbes
Things have cooled off there, I think. I can’t put my finger on it, exactly, but there’s been a decrease in communications and more than once I feel like my response to something was disappointing to him. Stupid stuff, mind you, like movie references, but it’s hard not to worry a little that maybe the more he gets to know me, the less he likes me. The most damning evidence? He asked for my number over a week ago but never used it.

My gut (and my Magic 8-ball) isn’t usually wrong about these things, but I do have a tendency to over analyze so I‘m not putting much stock into it. Yet.

An Older Vintage
I’m starting to notice a trend in my online dating adventures… I only attract older men. Men between the ages of 39 and say 45. As a reminder, I’m 31, so this puts the dudes interested in me a solid 10 years my senior. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with a 10-year gap, but this gap in particular I think crosses dating age groups.

With this older age range, I run into a couple of issues that in and of themselves aren’t necessarily bad, but can present additional hurdles earlier in the dating scene. I don't need extra hurdles.

Like relationship status. The older one gets, the more likely one has been married previously, which for me means I at least need to cover the basics of what happened there. And then again, not being married (but wanting to be) at 40 begs the question “what’s wrong with him that he‘s never been married?”

And the children question. Ideally I would like children, all of which would be birthed before I turn the ages these men already are. Some of them aren’t sure whether they want children, possibly because the older you get the less likely you’ll be having them, and some of them already have kids, which is a whole different bag of worms. Even those that definitely want kids sort of freak me out - they could be on a much faster time line than I am.

I would never let an age gap stand in the way of a great relationship, of course, but all this older interest begs the question... what does the fact that no one my age wants to date me say? About me?!

14 comments:

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Re Hobbes- remember, if you feel like there's something wrong, there always is something wrong.

All Women Stalker said...

Hmm Sorry about the Hobbes situation. Keep on keeping on :)

SaneAndSingle said...

Sorry about Hobbes! Wait until the men in their 50's start showing interest! Ugh...

Dater at Large said...

Re Hobbes: Let's also remember it's only been about a week of less communicating, and I have a tendency to over analyze. I am a little worried, but I'm also still excited about seeing him in TWO weeks. Just wanted to keep you all updated.

S&S: Please don't even suggest that the 50's category will find me attractive! That's my dad's age :p

cleanslate2010 said...

it does seem to get more complicated in your 30s. i'm running into 40something guys now, as well as guys with kids. none of those things are deal breakers, but it is tough to sort through all those issues. i recently got approached online by the dad of a student in my class! he is older and i know his ex and yikes!

good luck to you and sorry about Hobbes.

You Make My Date said...

Argh, sorry to hear about Hobbes. You're completely right about the dating-in-different-stages-of-your-life thing: sometimes men and women of a certain age just have too much history and carry too much baggage, for you to want to deal with. Better to stay in there and wait for someone suitable! :)

jo said...

ugh i don't get why guys do the poofing thing. most guys usually seem to like younger girls. have you considered dating younger guys instead?

Scotty said...

If you keep finding yourself not interested in the 40 and above crowd (because of kids, or prior marriage) then don't be. When someone that is in that group contacts you, there is nothing wrong with sending the 'not interested' note.

Dater at Large said...

CleanSlate, why is it that the older you get, the *smaller* the dating pool is? Fortunately I haven't run across too many crazy overlaps (yet).

YMMD, I hope Mr. Suitable arrives soon! I feel like I've just been accumulating baggage (albeit mostly emotional for me) lately. I'm weighing myself down. :p

Scotty, welcome! I'm fine sending the not interested note, just wondering why no one my age seems interested in me?

jo, I tend to stay away from younger guys, the mid to late twenties guy range hasn't been kind to me. I try to stay open though!

ziazitella said...

I hear ya on the age gap stuff. I got my share of those too.

www.ziazitella.wordpress.com

Texas Cinderella said...

Just came across your blog and love it! We're the same age and looking for the same thing! Nice to read that other peeps are going through the hassles of dating too! With the age thing...who knows maybe you'll find a George Clooney in the group! :)

Kitty Moore said...

hmm...I've just started seeing someone ten years younger..will let you know how that goes.

Kitty x

Angela said...

They want younger women. Thirty year old guys want 20 year old women. At 31, your range of attraction is 35 plus

Dater at Large said...

Texas Cinderella, welcome! And you're right, a George Clooney wouldn't be a bad way to end up, not at all.

Kitty, please do!

Angela, I'm good with the mid-thirties, just not late-thirties/forties (yet?!). I know it's only a few years, but it still feels like a big difference to me.