Summer Lovin’, Had Me A Blast

When we last left our dating heroine (me) she had rid herself of a dud (The Bowler) and found herself a stud (Summer Boy). Not too keen on the effort it took to formally date while blogging about said dating, I went on a break. I didn’t just take the summer off from blogging, though; I freed myself from making any actual relationship decisions as well. It was awesome!

Turns out there’s a market for a lady without an end game, who doesn’t ask herself (or her date) questions about where they see themselves in 5 years or whether they want kids. Turns out you can really enjoy getting to know someone who you find interesting, but know you’ll never see again. Turns out there really isn't a better aphrodisiac than good old-fashioned alcohol.

In refusing to entertain the possibility of a future I was able to really enjoy the present. I worried less about how my actions would be taken and instead did exactly what I felt like. Not every decision was a good decision, and navigating the casual relationship world requires a very different skill set than the one I’d been cultivating, but I have no regrets.

I do have some good stories, though, and before summer ends I think a little kiss and tell is in order. Consider the next few posts your online trashy beach novel.

"I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows." Andy Warhol

For the first time in a long time I find myself not wanting what it is I thought I wanted. It’s a surprising revelation; that after having spent the last year basically dedicated to finding and sustaining a relationship that I no longer want one.

Well that’s not entirely true. I think if I met someone who I wanted to spend time with I would. And if that developed into a relationship I would embrace it. I don’t need it, though. I don’t have that craving for it or that desire to cross it off some life checklist. Most notably I don’t have that nagging feeling that I’d be more if I was part of a pair.

I wouldn’t be, you see. There would be more in my life if I was in a relationship, but there would also be less. Less flexibility in my schedule, less freedom to spend my time however I chose. It all evens out, I think, and there’s room in my life for periods of both. Maybe right now it’s more ‘me’ than ‘we’.

It wasn’t a total waste, either. On the contrary, putting that kind of time and energy into dating made me seriously address some of own insecurities. Writing about it gave me a good dose of humility and perhaps a much needed reality check. I finally think I know enough about myself to be successful in a relationship.

I don’t want to continue spending the time, energy and money on actively pursuing one, though. It’s hard work hunting for a boyfriend! Its summer and I want to enjoy it without the pressure of putting dates on my calendar.

What does my dating future hold? I don’t know, but I’ll be taking the summer off from blogging while I give myself the freedom to figure it out. When something does happen I want to enjoy it, not analyze it.

Don’t worry, dear readers, I’m sure I’ll have stories to share with you in the fall…

That Rug Really Tied the Room Together (About The Big Ledateski)

One of the early facts I found out about “Duder” was that he has a serious obsession with the film The Big Lebowski. Having only seen this film once, approximately 10 years ago when it came out on rental, I decided to re-watch this cult classic so as to determine what all the fuss was about. It’s funny. Crude, but funny. And it’s filled with hundreds of memorable quotes.

When starting to blog about Duder, I thought it fitting to use the film not only as the inspiration for his blog name, but as the thematic backdrop to the whole tale.

I find it terribly clever, although substantially more vulgar than my usual language, especially since I have used the quotations without edit. I hope fans of the film will find it clever, too, but of course I realize not everyone has such an intimate relationship with it. You guys will just have to trust me.

The rug really does tie the room together.

Timing is Everything

When I started Righting the Courtship I had been on kind of a bender of unsuccessful dating. I was taking something of an unintentional break when I really got motivated to write about my experiences. I wanted the blog to reflect my current dating activities, but I had all these recent stories that I wanted to share as well. So the blog started out with previous dating tales; most of the Failed First Dates and internet dating stories fall into that category.

Form follows function, though, and soon I found myself proactive about dating again. Dating (for me) always involves a twist, so I started writing posts about what was currently going on, like The Crush series and Mr. He-Likes-Me-He-Likes-Me-Not.

This past month got sort of busy on the current dating scene, and I’m actually a little behind with posting. I have a few more posts that will come out that are past situations, and a few that were recent, but then we’ll be in real-time again.

Timeline confusion aside, I hope that all the posts are at the very least entertaining, if not a little insightful into the world of modern day courting.

If you’re ever confused about current versus past, just let me know. Thanks for reading!

Uncharted Waters Ahead

Awhile back I was chatting with an old friend I hadn’t spoken to in years and after we exchanged the usual catch-up pleasantries: jobs, relationships, etc., he mentioned that I sounded really happy, at peace. I hadn’t really thought about it that way, but when he said that I realized I was those things. After a few years of struggling to figure out how to balance my personal life with my professional one, I had learned to prioritize what was important and purge what wasn’t.

It was a very satisfying revelation, that I had figured out what I wanted from life and was basically living it. I had a great set of friends, good relationships with my family and a thriving social life. My career was going well and I still had time for hobbies and travel. Thing was, I hadn’t really found a significant other along the way and that was something, is something, that I do want.

I’d had relationships, sure, some of them quite serious in nature, but none that ever crossed over into the long-term, committed relationship I was looking for. I could blame it on special circumstances and bad timing, I’ve had plenty of both, but I also don’t think I ever really gave dating the focus it needs. Being in a relationship takes time and energy and putting yourself “out there”; I don’t think I gave my relationships those things.

I realized that like most things worth having, a great relationship wasn’t going to drop into my lap, I had to put in the effort if I wanted to find an honest to goodness boyfriend. I decided I would go after a relationship like I had gone after everything I’d worked for, with determination, confidence and a good sense of humor. Hopefully I’d also run into a little bit of luck.

Righting the Courtship chronicles my adventures into the uncharted waters of modern dating. Hope you don't get seasick... its going to be a bumpy ride!