Something Unexpected

Friday, January 15, 2010
One of the downsides to being self-aware is, well, being aware of your self and what you’re thinking. I have always had a processing delay in my feelings, it typically runs anywhere between 12 and 24-hours when I’m presented with a situation I wasn’t expecting. For the last few days I’ve been mulling over my current situation with Hobbes, and I have come to the conclusion that I will just have to let things play out. In other words, I have to wait. I hate that.

What’s weird about it is how even though I’m thinking about it a lot, I’m not experiencing most of the anxious feelings I normally do. I don’t think emailing novel length emails every day is too much, I don’t think IMing hundreds of lines during a good portion of the work day is too much, I don’t think talking on the phone is too much, either.

I have all those early relationship feelings. Excitement when I see an email, disappointment when I don’t. That small smile when he asked how he would go about calling me this weekend (since we had already deleted each other’s phone numbers).

I feel like I should tell him. How much I enjoy spending this virtual time with him. I haven’t though, not directly. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because I’m going to see him.

That’s right; I’ll be in his area visiting another friend in just a few short weeks. Our schedules only overlap for a small period of time, and although we’ve been unsuccessful every time we’ve tried to meet up since he moved (about 2 1/2 years ago) I think we are actually going to see each other this time.

I feel remarkably calm about the whole thing, reason enough to be alarmed given my history. We didn’t meet up in the past for a lot of perfectly good reasons, but I know at least I’ve gone away from those situations feeling a little deflated, more hurt than warranted given how we weren’t ever communicating regularly when these opportunities presented themselves. This time, though, there’s a lot of lead up. Our conversation is way past surface, there's a pretty steady undercurrent of flirtation and we’ve discussed that we both have some level of expectation and/or active interest.

It all seems totally natural to me… which is exactly why I’m worried.

He’s going to read this post, because I didn’t tell him I was writing it and not to read it (although I thought about doing that), and that doesn’t really bother me, either. I sincerely hope there is vodka nearby when my feelings about him kick in, good or bad.


Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

I so know how you are feeling. Good luck DaL...

Kate said...

The start is always the best. The excitement of receiving an email, the time taken to craft your response. I hope it all works out for you.

Oh and Fish are you talking about Rapunzel there I wonder?

Kate x

Megs said...

I agree with Kate the start is the best.

Let me know the Vodka you want and it will be on hand - we need it anyway for the weekend.

Dater at Large said...

Kate, Technically it's a restart, although it does have some of that brand new interest feel to it which is fun.

Megs (in the area Denver friend, btw), let's go with Effen Black Cherry. Delicious in mixed drinks, works for a shot in a pinch :)

Nicole said...

Well, you thought about telling him how much you've liked your virtual exchanges lately... and know you have! Hobbes - post a comment and say HI!

All Women Stalker said...

Exciting. You'll be fine. I gather it's Hobbes - he seems like a fine guy :)

Dater at Large said...

Nicole: Let's not get crazy! I'm still deciding how to write about Hobbes knowing that he reads this, let alone having him go so far as to create an online profile with the name "Hobbes" so you guys would know who he is! I do know he's commented anonymously on a different post that wasn't about him. One step at a time I think. :)

AWS: it is Hobbes, yes. Stay tuned!

jo said...

i too think the start is the best... that excitement and feeling of potential. enjoy it!

Hobbes said...


@DAL -- it wasn't that hard creating a profile. I didn't even have to use my real email address ;)