Surf Dude is a project. He’s a project in that I don’t think he knows what he should be doing to push our relationship forward and most of what he does do seems way too advanced for where we actually are.
I say all the time that I don‘t want a dating project, which is ironic since what I do for a living centers around project based work. I work with companies that interact with mine, walking them through a process to get them ready for new or changed aspects of the data that goes back and forth between us. I lay out a time line, the different steps of our testing, applicable dependencies and such. I provide status as to their progress, whether they’re on track to complete by the deadline or whether they’re falling behind. I get a great deal of satisfaction when I am able to bring a business partner up to par and successfully sign-off on their readiness.
Why wouldn’t I want to use some of those skills in my dating relationships? Presumably someone who’s still single (but would prefer not to be) hasn’t gotten it right yet and may need some coaching to sustain a successful, longer term relationship. I get assistance from my friends, why couldn’t I be more vocal with guys I’m involved with to try and coach them?
I’m not going to make a project plan, of course, not going to identify dating milestones and tell him that his status is Yellow bordering on Red. I can let him know what I’m looking for, specifically, in terms of moving our relationship forward though. And I can see whether he is interested and/or able to do that. If not, I can walk away from it knowing I really gave it a decent shot.
Surf Dude may be like that super difficult client I had at the beginning of this past year. They were weeks and weeks behind schedule and yet I was able to whip them into shape and launch them on their desired go-live. It wasn't always easy, but with the right amount of pressure and assistance they were soon on their way.
Maybe Surf Dude just needs a map to my heart. Fortunately for him I'm excellent at graphical representations of projects, too.
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6 comments:
Boys who are projects are definitely more work than they're worth! Besides, you drain yourself in helping them, and then get sick of it and dump them. Only to find out later on that they've become every girls' dream (thanks to your efforts) and is dating a 19 year old blonde supermodel.
True story!
sometimes i think that boys are just boys and they do need to be "trained" and "whipped into shape". as long as it's not for the next girl...
Hmm, if you're already trying to 'whip him into shape', it doesn't really bode well for the future, does it? To be honest, I think he'd run a mile if he saw this post!
plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I have to ditto Plentymorefishoutofwater.
You deserve someone who is eager to please you and will work to discover or at least ask what you want. Why settle?
Ouch! No love for giving a guy some helpful advice, here. Or maybe we're just down on Surf Dude in particular? He has had a lot of chances to step up to the plate.
Whether I invest any more time or effort into him I do think I shouldn't be so eager to drop any new guys just because they may need some coaching. I mean, it's not like relationships are plug 'n' play.
I wish there was someone you can call for support on your surf dude project. Anyway, please visit this dating site and maybe you'll find someone new.
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