Playing the Game

Friday, October 30, 2009
As a newby blogger I’ve been reading and commenting on other dating blogs in addition to writing my own. One that I’ve been enjoying as it makes me think, instead of just shake my head at ridiculous dating stories, is Sex, Lies and Dating in the City.

I recently commented on a post where SINgleGIRL was investigating the concept of being “in love”. Read the full post and comments here: "In Love" and Other Mysteries.

I added my two cents to the commentary: I've always realized I'd fallen in love too late, after the fact, and often after the relationship was past the point of being salvaged. It was a surprise to me, and then I had the sadness of the relationship ending plus the awareness that I was losing someone I had actually fallen for, too.

I think not being aware of my own feelings had to do with me not being ready for those feelings. Not wanting to be vulnerable. I think I loved those men, but I never quite made it to being "in love".

I guess I'm still waiting for the two to collide. Knowing you love someone WHILE you're involved with them. I'm a work in progress.

She responded with: I think we're all works in progress, emotionally and every other way. The fact that you're aware of that and willing to admit it puts you way ahead of the game.

I agree with her, in that it’s an advantage to be aware of yourself in a way that’s honest and useful. I don’t feel ahead of the game, though.

I’m thirty, thirty-one next week, and for practically two years I’ve been unsuccessfully dating. Most of the guys I meet I just don’t like enough to keep seeing. The guys I do like either aren’t interested in me, or we have issues that seem insurmountable, or I simply run away (emotionally). I’m not in a bad relationship, so that is a plus, but even though I feel like things work out in their own way I feel I must be doing something that is still holding me back.

Don’t get me wrong, being single doesn’t define me and there is plenty in my life that I love. I do want to find someone, though, and it is hard to be single when your social circle is not. I’m down to 1-2 true single friends, and most of my married friends are already into babies. For my group, I’m unbelievably behind.

It’s all relative, of course, if I had completely different friends maybe I’d feel at least like I was hanging with the pack instead of lagging behind like the lame deer. Relative or not, if I’m ahead of the game then there are a lot of single folks who aren’t even going to make it off the bench.


You Make My Date said...

This was a fantastic post (and made me feel guilty about my ridiculous dating stories). In fact, I feel the exact same way you do about being in love.

For me, it's because I like to think I'm independent and in control during the relationship, and therefore I don't recognise that I'm in love, because that would make me feel the opposite of those things. Good ole denial.

Then again, I'd rather be like that than those girls who jump straight into thinking they're in love, when in reality they're just going through the "honeymoon" period, or they're in love with the idea of being in a relationship, not the actual guy.

I know this sounds cliched, particularly from someone who you've never actually met before, but keep trooping on: I have lots of friends (male and female) who are 31-33 years old who are single, and they're just enjoying their singledom (whilst also keeping an eye out for someone to settle down with). At least know that when you do meet the right person, it'll be all the more sweeter for the wait.

...Or at least, you'll have some really hot sex.

Dater at Large said...

YMMD: Thanks! I think I needed a pep talk.

Don't even feel bad about ridiculous dating stories! We all have them, and yours are hilarious and you are honest and real when you share them.

plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Great post. All the sites you mentioned are worth a look.
Keep up the good work - dating bloggers fo the world unite!

jo said...

i too think it's good that you're aware of yourself. i reckon for all of us who have been trying to date in the hopes of finding someone, we all face the probalem where we aren't interested in most guys and the guys we do like aren't all that interested. sometimes dating can really suck. but you keep hanging in there in hopes that you will eventually find someone. so just hang in there. it's better to be off to a slower start then to get saddled with extra baggage in the form of a bad relationship.