How Long Should You Wait for the Spark?

Monday, October 5, 2009
Every so often you come across someone who doesn’t really seem like he’s your type but you can’t deny there’s a connection of some sort. Take this guy Hobbes, for instance. We met through a CL post and had a really interesting, engaging email conversation that I was really drawn into. We sent multiple emails daily that really felt like we were talking to each other, instead of just sending disjointed collections of information about ourselves.

I was somewhat hesitant to meet him in person, afraid I‘d be let down given how much I was attracted to him online. We did meet, though, walking around the loop mid-day with coffees. It was a different kind of date - I actually took off during work to meet him - and while I was definitely still attracted to him as a person, I can’t say I had that romantic spark.

He pursued me. We continued emailing regularly and met for drinks and dinner. We had a good time, but I still wasn’t sure if I was physically into him. I had a vacation scheduled and at the end of the last date we went on we clearly should have kissed, but by then we almost had this awkward physical barrier between us so we hugged instead.

When I got back from vacation we met up the very next day, and we did kiss. It was good… not amazing but definitely promising. For me there was still a twinge of awkwardness, the physical aspect of our budding relationship just didn’t come naturally.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I certainly enjoyed his company, and we had been on several dates, but I just don’t think I was into him, romantically anyway. It was so depressing! I had finally found someone I wanted to spend time with, but not make out with. This really isn’t something I encounter often.

HOW LONG SHOULD YOU WAIT FOR THE SPARK? You don’t want to short change yourself and possibly miss out on a great relationship, but you don’t want to lead anyone on either. My married friend says until she kissed her now-husband she didn’t really want to kiss him. So it all boils down to the kissing, then.

I think you should give the kissing two shots, just to be on the safe side. I never got to the last ditch kiss attempt with Hobbes, shortly after our first kiss he announced he was probably moving across the country at the end of the month. It didn’t seem worth it to figure out that I liked him if he was leaving, so we went our separate ways.

When you a find a connection I think you need to give a real chance, even it means some awkward or bad kissing. Besides, what's that saying about finding your handsome prince? Oh right, the frogs.


jo said...

ahh the elusive spark... that's a really tough one. i'd say if you actually like the person and get along with him and don't absolutely think of him as your brother such that even the thought of kissing him freaks you out totally, then give him a few chances. sometimes sparkage takes a lil while to fly.

Dater at Large said...

I probably would have given it more of a chance (and more of an alcohol kick) but alas he took off. He's long gone now!