The Answer to Your Question is Yes.

Friday, December 3, 2010
Yes, I still have feelings for Summer Boy. Yes, I still talk to him (although I haven’t seen him). Yes, I think my indifference to Marathon Guy’s declining interest in me is being made possible by this chatting. Yes, I know I should cut if off. Again.

I know what you’re thinking. You didn’t ask those questions, did you? You should have, dear readers, for you should know as well as I do that there’s no such thing as a clean break in matters of the heart. For all my bravado in the face of Summer Boy’s rejection I had really fallen for him. I really thought things could have worked out, and possibly still would.

They won’t, of course, I know that now (read: am still working to convince myself this is true). And although I’ve appreciated the Fantasy Football advice he’s given me, it’s clear that he’s on the receiving end of this relationship. That man needs friends like I need a tight end that consistently gets into the endzone.

I do sort of feel bad for him, he’s obviously missing the part of one’s social scene where one has people to talk to about their lives with, to ask advice and bounce ideas off of. I myself don’t need a new friend, I very fortunately am blessed in that area, but I sense a trend in my dating life: MEN WHO NEED WOMEN TO LISTEN TO THEM.

I can rattle off a string of men who want to talk to me all the time but not actually date me… Summer Boy, Marathon Guy, Surf Dude. They like to tell me about their day, about their friends, about what they had for dinner. They are happy to text about sports and they want my opinion on work situations. They often want to know what my plans are, but they don’t ever suggest that they be part of those plans. What am I doing to keep finding myself in this situation?

I am a lot of things, but a therapist isn’t one of them. I don’t have the patience for it, and honestly, I’m not even that good of a listener. I do take a pretty hard line on personal boundaries and standing up for one’s self, and I’ve often been able to find a socially acceptable way to call people out on their inappropriate behavior. It’s been helpful to my engaged girlfriends, so why not single men missing an intelligent, decisive female in their lives?

Yes, that’s exactly what Summer Boy had needed. Someone to encourage him to move if that’s what would make him happy. Someone to support him in removing himself from the crazy, dangerous situation his friends kept dragging him into. Someone who understood him and thought about his best interests when responding.

I can see how someone like that would be someone you’d want to keep around. I can see, too, that I need to stop being that someone, until I find someone who is capable of playing the same role for me.

I hope he got everything off his chest, though, because yes, he’ll now be getting the swift kick to the curb that he deserves.


Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I'd say it would be fine if up front he said he was only interested in friendship. But he didn't. Sounds like he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Wants the emotional aspects of a girlfriend without actually having to have one. It's obviously not helping you to keep talking to him because you want more from him. I only speak from experience. Why is it so hard to cut these guys out of your life? And, no, I can't answer my own question ;)

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for awhile, but I don't think I've ever commented. Good luck with the swift kick. Summer Boy sounds like he deserves it. You need to focus your energy on someone more deserving who will give more back to you. But that's all hard to see when you like someone so much. Kudos to you for seeing it. Love your blog!

Kitty Moore said...

I think he's been a little unfair and led you on a bit. But I think you know that too. Give him that swift kick!

Dater at Large said...

Life: Who knows why it's so hard. I'm sure I take some pleasure in people wanting to converse with me... but as my friend R so wisely says, "I deserve more." It's a process :)

thisbrokenheart: Welcome! And thanks for the kudos.