Kingpin Down: The Bowler

Monday, June 21, 2010
nice guy, easy dates
gutter balls in the bedroom
too old for bumpers

Turns out The Bowler got back on Friday, but because I was still working through a fierce case of strep that came out of nowhere (and hate the break up conversation) I was able to push him off until Sunday. I had thought when we talked he would invite me to do something again, at which point I’d be able to drop the ax. Instead I had to bring it up myself, after enduring half an hour of really boring conversation. It was pretty standard.

“I think you’re great and I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you but…”
He said he gets that a lot. I offered that the dating relationship is tricky, you’re looking for a particular fit and we just didn’t have it.

“I just don’t think there’s a connection, for me.”
He said he thought things had been going really well. I said I was sorry, but it takes me awhile to figure out my interest level, and I knew now that I wasn’t going to develop romantic feelings for him.

“So I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
He said it wasn’t the outcome he wanted, but it’s my decision and he’s not going to fight me on it.

He actually said something similar when I kicked him out last weekend, after I had commented that he was being very understanding. I’m glad he didn’t throw a fit, but to be honest, I think I kind of wanted him to push back on me a bit. I mean, if he really thought things were going well wouldn’t he have wanted to know why they weren’t? Asked a few questions?

I would have answered them honestly. I don’t need the personal validation of being wanted, but the last time I had put myself out there and gotten rejected I’m pretty sure I demanded reasons. For the record, the last reason I got went something like “you’re a risk, and she’s a sure thing.” Ouch.

Still, I’m a passionate person and I want to be with someone who fights for what they want. In ending things with The Bowler I’ve discovered he isn’t a fighter. And since he wasn’t a lover, either, I know I made the right decision. He'll need to improve his handicap before attempting to play in this league again.


Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Sounds very boring *yawn*

We want someone to fight for us, want us, show some gumption, don't we?

Obviously a good decision!'re a risk and she's a sure thing?! wtf?

Dater at Large said...

What can I say? I think everyone should feel like they've won a prize with their SO.

Re: the comment about being the risk, read The One That Got Away under the Romances of Old label.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I just went back and read those posts. I LOVE what you said! I love that you took a chance and had to find out for yourself if there was anything there. I would do the same.

I also see now why you want someone to fight for you ;) And I totally agree. I like the idea of winning a prize. And that applies to both people!

jo said...

somehow when the guy takes a breakup talk that easily, it kinda makes you feel like he wasn't that into you in the first place to fight for you. demanding a reason sounds like a good idea for personal growth though can be potentially a bit of a hit to the ego.

Dater at Large said...

Lba30ty: Thanks... it took me awhile to get there, but I see now if you're not willing to risk you'll never really gain what you're looking for.

jo, I'm right there with you. The reason can be tough to take, but I think good to hear, assuming you are asking someone you felt you could have had something special with.

Kate said...

I think you are right. I think it someone gives in without attempting to win you back then you would be settling by being with them. We all deserve passion damn it.

Kate xx

xanaxic said...

I had this conversation today with someone... I told him I just didn't see it going anywhere.

It always takes me a bit to see if I really like someone if they don't annoy me on date #1.

That said, you sound like a real bitch when you say "he'll need to improve his handicap before attempting to play in this league again." Obviously, you're not the major leagues since you have so many recent failed attempts at dating and have really given up.

That's a really nasty thing to say, I know. But I was actually quite taken aback by reading that comment of yours.


Dater at Large said...

xanaxic: Somehow I just read your full comment to this post and I have to say I do not think you read this blog with the tone in which it was written… besides the hefty dose of sarcasm that most of my criticisms come with (which should read as bitingly funny, not bitchy), that line specifically was written to tie into the bowling theme. It’s not a comment on the dating league I reside in.

I can appreciate that you don’t get my humor or that you don't agree with my opinions, but there’s no reason to be mean about it. If my writing or dating style isn't in your league*, please feel free to stop reading.

* That time I meant dating league