Houston, We Have a Problem

Sunday, June 6, 2010
Let’s talk about the sexy time scene, because realistically the difference between a good buddy and a boyfriend is what happens between the sheets. I myself struggle with the appropriate timing for escalating the sexy time activities, but there’s a couple of fundamentals that I don’t think should be messed with.

In early dating, I want to be wanted. I want there to be flirting, complete with suggestive talk and suggestive body contact. I want there to be some restraint, but if I give a guy the green light, he better step on the gas.

The Bowler started out well in this category, but on date #4 things started to fall apart.

First I wasn’t into him. It was a movie date at his place, and almost immediately I was thrown by the early 20’s dude feel of his living room. It wasn’t so much the mismatched furniture, or even what appeared to be a complete set of Cubs’ bobble head dolls. No, I think it was the 50+ shot glasses lined up on the window sill that simply turned me off. Just because you don’t have room for a man cave doesn’t mean you can substitute your living room for your stupid guy stuff.

I knew I would not be entering his bedroom (would there be plaid sheets and a cotton comforter, a la bed-in-a-bag?), and probably not even the bathroom. I never recovered that night, despite his encouraging neck massage and the delicious margarita I had drank. I practically bolted after the movie, flat out shooting his sexy time intentions down.

Sometimes things are just off, though, and I’m not one to throw out a good man because he has bowling pin trophies all over, so I gave myself a pep talk and tried to rebound. And that’s when The Bowler dropped the ball.

He was in attendance at a little get together at my place and after things had winded down, fueled by plenty of tequila, I attempted to again see The Bowler in a romantic light. I couldn’t tell whether he was being respectful or just plain didn’t know what to do, but outside of his relatively uninspired kissing technique he didn’t bring anything to the table.

Ugh, I had not anticipated this. I was hoping bedroom compatibility might be the push my lukewarm feelings needed, but now it seems I may have to do all the initiating and possibly even some skill teaching. That seems like an awful lot of work.

I guess it's always something.


Gaudi said...

Are you sure you like him?
If you really do, why his interior design style turns you off?

I can see that a pattern of blowing hot and cold, when you date, is clearly emerging...

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I think if you really liked him, the home decor wouldn't have mattered 2 fiddlesticks. You shouldn't have to make yourself feel romantic about him!

jo said...

oh and i thought things with him were starting to go so well. i think home decor shouldn't make a difference but it probably does as another reason as to why he isn't the one. if he is, you shouldn't have to force it.

Dater at Large said...

Gaudi: No, I'm not sure that I like him. I've been cautiously optimistic, which I think probably aligns with lukewarm - not hot and cold - although I usually feel one or the other.

LBA30ty/jo: I know! It's terribly disappointing when it just doesn't seem to come together. I'm trying to figure out the next step...