"I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows." Andy Warhol

Tuesday, June 29, 2010
For the first time in a long time I find myself not wanting what it is I thought I wanted. It’s a surprising revelation; that after having spent the last year basically dedicated to finding and sustaining a relationship that I no longer want one.

Well that’s not entirely true. I think if I met someone who I wanted to spend time with I would. And if that developed into a relationship I would embrace it. I don’t need it, though. I don’t have that craving for it or that desire to cross it off some life checklist. Most notably I don’t have that nagging feeling that I’d be more if I was part of a pair.

I wouldn’t be, you see. There would be more in my life if I was in a relationship, but there would also be less. Less flexibility in my schedule, less freedom to spend my time however I chose. It all evens out, I think, and there’s room in my life for periods of both. Maybe right now it’s more ‘me’ than ‘we’.

It wasn’t a total waste, either. On the contrary, putting that kind of time and energy into dating made me seriously address some of own insecurities. Writing about it gave me a good dose of humility and perhaps a much needed reality check. I finally think I know enough about myself to be successful in a relationship.

I don’t want to continue spending the time, energy and money on actively pursuing one, though. It’s hard work hunting for a boyfriend! Its summer and I want to enjoy it without the pressure of putting dates on my calendar.

What does my dating future hold? I don’t know, but I’ll be taking the summer off from blogging while I give myself the freedom to figure it out. When something does happen I want to enjoy it, not analyze it.

Don’t worry, dear readers, I’m sure I’ll have stories to share with you in the fall…

6 comments:

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Oh no! Not another blogging break! I know what you mean about liking a boyfriend but not 'needing' one. I think it's a great feeling. I hope even with the break that maybe you will post a little when the fancy strikes you. Just because you aren't dating, doesn't mean you can't write. But if not, I look forward to reading in the fall.

Dater at Large said...

I'll be writing, and probably dating, just not blogging. I'm sure there's a balance between dating and writing about it, I just don't know what it is. Yet. I'll get there.

ian said...

Enjoy the summer. Look forward to catchimg up again in the fall.

jo said...

aww you're taking a blogging break... but i'm glad that you're now in a place where you're happy to just live your own life and not overanalyze the dates in the hunt for a boyfriend. and it's always good to learn more bout yourself. enjoy your summer.

Lindsey said...

Good for you. I think you have the right idea...go out there and live your life and enjoy singledom. Besides...while you're living it is when a boyfriend will randomly appear. :o)

Elizabeth said...

Embrace this time, darling. Enjoy it, because once married, you're completely right. You lose a great deal of freedom.

Have a good end to summer and slide into bed with a racy read about a mommy-wife who ventures down a path most won't but many dream about. Today's post is satisfying but you might want to start at July 3 to read from the beginning. Enjoy!

Elizabeth
www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com