"I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows." Andy Warhol

Tuesday, June 29, 2010
For the first time in a long time I find myself not wanting what it is I thought I wanted. It’s a surprising revelation; that after having spent the last year basically dedicated to finding and sustaining a relationship that I no longer want one.

Well that’s not entirely true. I think if I met someone who I wanted to spend time with I would. And if that developed into a relationship I would embrace it. I don’t need it, though. I don’t have that craving for it or that desire to cross it off some life checklist. Most notably I don’t have that nagging feeling that I’d be more if I was part of a pair.

I wouldn’t be, you see. There would be more in my life if I was in a relationship, but there would also be less. Less flexibility in my schedule, less freedom to spend my time however I chose. It all evens out, I think, and there’s room in my life for periods of both. Maybe right now it’s more ‘me’ than ‘we’.

It wasn’t a total waste, either. On the contrary, putting that kind of time and energy into dating made me seriously address some of own insecurities. Writing about it gave me a good dose of humility and perhaps a much needed reality check. I finally think I know enough about myself to be successful in a relationship.

I don’t want to continue spending the time, energy and money on actively pursuing one, though. It’s hard work hunting for a boyfriend! Its summer and I want to enjoy it without the pressure of putting dates on my calendar.

What does my dating future hold? I don’t know, but I’ll be taking the summer off from blogging while I give myself the freedom to figure it out. When something does happen I want to enjoy it, not analyze it.

Don’t worry, dear readers, I’m sure I’ll have stories to share with you in the fall…


Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Oh no! Not another blogging break! I know what you mean about liking a boyfriend but not 'needing' one. I think it's a great feeling. I hope even with the break that maybe you will post a little when the fancy strikes you. Just because you aren't dating, doesn't mean you can't write. But if not, I look forward to reading in the fall.

Dater at Large said...

I'll be writing, and probably dating, just not blogging. I'm sure there's a balance between dating and writing about it, I just don't know what it is. Yet. I'll get there.

ian said...

Enjoy the summer. Look forward to catchimg up again in the fall.

jo said...

aww you're taking a blogging break... but i'm glad that you're now in a place where you're happy to just live your own life and not overanalyze the dates in the hunt for a boyfriend. and it's always good to learn more bout yourself. enjoy your summer.

Lindsey said...

Good for you. I think you have the right idea...go out there and live your life and enjoy singledom. Besides...while you're living it is when a boyfriend will randomly appear. :o)

Elizabeth said...

Embrace this time, darling. Enjoy it, because once married, you're completely right. You lose a great deal of freedom.

Have a good end to summer and slide into bed with a racy read about a mommy-wife who ventures down a path most won't but many dream about. Today's post is satisfying but you might want to start at July 3 to read from the beginning. Enjoy!