Dude, are you fucking this up?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I hate everything about Duder’s response to my email suggestion for our next date. I hate the way he shoots down my awesome dancing suggestion – stating that it’s awesome but that because he’s “frightened, weak, selfish, or just plain difficult” he has to decline. I hate the suggestion he counters with, going to see a free movie that he doesn’t necessarily seem interested in, just happened to receive an email notification for. He also offers to watch The Big Lebowski with me, which technically is still my suggestion since I had already told him I was planning to watch it.

I hate that he concludes by suggesting we discuss over the phone (instead of just calling me), and reminds me (not for the first time) that I should feel free to call him anytime, and that if he’s busy, he just won’t answer. Side note on the calling: During the NCAA tournament I sent him a text instead of calling because basketball was on. In part I didn’t want to disturb his watching of the game, but also I was watching the game and didn’t want to talk on the phone. He clarified several times after that that I should feel free to call him whenever I wanted. As if I needed his permission.

Basically I reject everything about his email. Now I realize that a LOT of guys would turn down the dancing suggestion. It’s not so much that he turned it down as the way he turned it down. It sounded like he was the kind of guy who would never, ever challenge the boundaries of his well defined comfort zone. That personality type is zero attractive to me; being willing to try new things is an absolute deal breaker. And his movie suggestion isn’t the worst idea ever; it’s just lame as a counter to my awesome activity date which I was quite excited about. In the words of a friend’s husband, “Your idea rules. His idea drools.” But I can’t very well write that.

Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. I wait a full day before responding.

I respond with the nicest possible email I can muster up. It attempts to address my concern that he’s not going to be as adventurous as I would have liked. It says “no thank you” to his counter suggestions, with the reason being that I wanted to have a more interactive date (as this is the only way I think I can decide whether we have a connection or not). I put the ball back in his court and ask what he does for recreation?

Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

11 comments:

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Whenever I read your blog - which I do every time you post, without fail - horrible web addresses appear underneath the post title. Do you know about this? Otherwise, keep up the good work.
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Scotty said...

Duder is a downer. If he is this clueless in dating, is he also this clueless in life?

I dont see web addresses under the title, btw.

TQ said...

Plentymore-
I get the "horrible web addresses" effect whenever I read this blog on a mobile device as well, but don't get the effect when I log on from a computer. It might be more a fuction of our mobile devices' decryption of the site, nothing DAL can fix.

Nicole said...

I don't get the web addresses on my blackberry, but I do on my computer. But, magically, they happen to be gone this time that I signed on, except for a little "follow me on Twitter" one.

I don't understand why you can't write what your friend's husband said. Seems to be straight to the point of exactly what you were thinking!

Nicole said...

But, of course, I'm a fan of junior-high adages in general. I won't admit to how many times I've told my husband that I'm rubber and he's glue or ended an argument by sticking my tongue out and saying "no, YOU!"

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Geez, I'm surprised you still want to go out on a date with him! Sounds like he's either being lazy, unimaginative, or both. Bleh.

Dater at Large said...

Scotty/Life: He is coming across as a downer, yes. My interest is definitely waning. But I promised the Universe I would make an effort with this one.

Everyone else: I think the superfluous addresses were from the Twitter feed. They should be gone.

Rapunzel said...

They have gone - hurrah!

Aaaargh dating is hard enough without someone dragging you down from the word go. Hope you find a man that actually likes life!

Rapunzel x
www.talesfromthetower.co.uk

jo said...

i particularly don't get his repeated suggestion that you can call him anytime but he doesn't call you. is he a cheapskate who gets free incoming calls and hence refuses to make outgoing calls? i think the Universe is saying that you've made enough effort with this one and you can now let him go and bore someone else.

Xanaxic said...

If you both are having such a horrible time dating, maybe you do owe it to yourselves to see it through. Sometimes people aren't always who your first impressions of them are. He might be like a geode with amethyst inside.

Just trying to stay positive.

Dater at Large said...

jo: hahahaha!

Xanaxic: I resent the suggestion that I'M bad at dating. I think I do okay, it's these boys I keep meeting that are ruining my track record ;)