Down for the Count

Friday, April 9, 2010
I cried in a bathroom stall at work today. I cried because I was supposed to have a dinner date tonight. Dinner at a very nice, much too expensive for a first date restaurant with a bona fide dreamboat.

These plans were made on Wednesday, when the dinner and location and day were suggested by The Dreamboat, and agreed to by myself. Only we didn’t specify the time. He was heading out of work and said we’d figure it out later in the week. We didn’t, though, and I haven’t heard from him so I assume the date isn’t happening.

I’ve been instructed several times today to send him an email to confirm our plans myself and/or leave the door open for future plans if he had to cancel this plan for some reason. I simply cannot write that email.

I know, because I’ve tried since lunch. Mostly I don’t feel like writing that email. I feel like I’ve been stood up and that even though everything else The Dreamboat has said indicates clear interest that this one action negates all that. Even if he responded with some perfectly logical reason for having not finished planning our date that I feel like I would no longer be interested in meeting him. Not tonight. Not ever.

I know that I’m overreacting. I’m coming off a string of disappointments, so I know that my dating ego is a little more bruised than normal, but I think it’s more than that. I have been trying for awhile now to take men at their word, even when they weave tales of future romance and relationship that cannot be based on anything even remotely substantial at such an early stage of a relationship. I have given the benefit of the doubt, over and over, on the off chance that these men have lost their phones or are not familiar with dating or are intimidated by me or are very busy when they do not come through as promised. And yet even my lowest expectations are consistently not met; any optimism that I bring to meeting new men is dashed as quickly as it is established.

I am, by nature, a hopeful person. I am almost unfailingly optimistic. Recently, though, I find myself disillusioned with this desire I have for myself… that I’ll meet someone and we’ll fall in love… living happily ever after. I believe that it will happen, but with no evidence to suggest that I’m making any progress I wonder whether I shouldn’t throw in the dating towel in its entirety. I no longer exhibit the resilience needed to continue putting myself out there and my heart is taking a serious beating. I can’t help thinking I could eradicate all my feelings of failure by simply giving up.

I still hope that I do end up with someone. And I believe that if it’s meant to be I will. I do not believe, however, that any of the dating I have done in the past few years has made any difference. So for now, I am officially off the market.


Nicole said...

I agree with you not sending that email. His date, he needed to firm up the plans. And if you are feeling down and out and not your usual optimistic self, then a break sounds like the right move too.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

How freakin rude! I don't care what his issue was, the least he could have done was send an email/call/text that something had come up. The LEAST! How come in all other areas of our lives we are considerate of other people, but suddenly when we're actually trying to form a relationship, common courtesy goes out the window? This is not about you; it is about him being a butt-hole.

But maybe a break is a good idea. I do that every once and a while. If you're not in the mood for it, then what's the point? Good luck!

Rebekka said...

I think the guy had a girlfriend, maybe they had a big fight or broke up prompting him to rush out and see if he still had to chops to win over such an amazing woman as yourself, then she called and they worked it out and in his extreme selfishness he didn't have the decency to cancel the date. A glaring character flaw that likely means he would not have had the chops to win you over for real, but I'm still sorry you had to shed a few tears over him.

pserean said...

if it's any consolation... there are countless women out there who know how you feel and probably- if they could- would rally round to cheer you up.

the waiting game is painfully slow and more prone to us forming a lifetime addiction to playing solitaire -pun intended- than actually chasing our prey.
but i guess if we want him to count, he has to catch us.

so chins up.... enjoy the breather.
go read something abysmally depressing like 'Of Human Bondage' will make you feel better:)

p.s. from someone on the other end....its better to be upset when he cancels... than thinking you've matured and no more feel angry/discarded when your man doesnt meet up with you- and only discovers post-marriage...thats it wasnt maturity so much as it was Indifference.

Dater at Large said...

Thanks all... I'm keeping the whole thing in perspective - these men are being rude, yes, but it could be a whole heck of a lot worse. I'm assuming I'll bounce back in a bit.

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Well I for one hope you're back on it soon, if only for our entertainment.
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Meghan said...

I agree with Nicole - sometimes a break is just what you need.