Blond Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.

Sunday, April 25, 2010
This post is part of The Big Ledateski series. I recommend starting at the beginning.

Duder did not disappoint. Well, it was disappointing that he again used email to express his interest in seeing me again instead of giving me any indication of that interest while I was standing in front of him. But there it was, an email sent moments after he must have gotten home from our dinner date. It was titled “Date Debrief”. This guy wasn’t kidding when he said he wasn’t very good at dating.

The main content of the email was more of a follow up from a conversation we had had on our date. Duder had been lamenting having purchased tickets to a band show that was the same night as the NCAA final. Obviously he would be watching basketball, so he needed to offload the tickets. I had mentioned I had a friend who might be interested. I said that based on not recognizing most of the string of artists Duder listed as his favorites and that list sounding very familiar to a list my friend would have made.

In his email, Duder sent me the name of the band and show location, after stating that he “highly doubted my friend had even heard of them”. Then he launched into why my friend should look into this particular theater for live shows. I’m sure he was trying to be helpful, but he came off like a know it all.

As it turns out, my friend had not only heard of the band, he already had tickets. Here’s a hot tip for dating: give your date the benefit of the doubt. Just because YOU don’t believe she knows what she’s talking about, doesn’t mean she doesn’t. These fucking amateurs…

I digress. The rest of the email was about our dating. After restating he had a nice time he reminded me that he was still free on Thursday night. He then stated that his lack of early dating skills extended in no small part to not being able to come up with what to do. To conclude, he told me to enjoy the rest of the week.

I have another hot tip for dating: Stating you are available but suck at dating isn’t the best way to solicit a date suggestion. And even if you do suck, you still have to make an effort. Use the magic of the internet or your friends to come up with an idea. An interested gal will always counter suggest if she doesn’t like the option you presented her.

Now I was on the fence with Duder but I definitely thought he was a good guy. And it was stupidly clear he just needed someone to take hold of the dating reigns. I threw him a bone and made one last date suggestion. It was pretty awesome, I thought, an activity date involving dancing. A stretch, yes, which I explicitly stated in the email, but I really did think it would be fun if he agreed to go.

How would he react to such a bold challenge? Well, Dude, we just don't know.


Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Dude, Duder needs some help here. Obviously wanting to invite you out, but not even being able to explicitly say that over email! When you're on the next date, I say corner him before he leaves so that you have to have a conversation about you dating. Or turn the post-date email into a game. Good luck!

jo said...

his email was actually titled "date debrief"?? seriously?? hahaha! but i don't know, he sounds so clueless that's it's almost cute... for now. he seems shy. so maybe that's why he emails you to suggest another date instead of just straight up asking you. he needs to man up fast. but for now, i think helping him along is a good idea.

Megs said...

I want to know if he said yes to dancing... I can just imagine what date debrief 2 email is going to sound like. Duder has to get at least 2 dates just to see if he improves. If you don't like him like that maybe at the end right him a brief on how to be a better dater. I know I would like that feedback.

Dater at Large said...

I am trying to lend a helping hand, but let's remember - I'm not running a dating outreach program here. If I knew I liked him already I'd probably be more inclined to help Duder out. For now, I'm trying to nudge in the right direction.

Nicole said...

Wasn't part of the story of DAL meeting Duder was that he found her blog? So, in a sense, he does have a date debrief / instruction manual to go by! All the more reason why he should be *better* at dating DAL than other dudes.

Whizalen said...

he's not going to enter the next round robin with that kind of bowling. Am I wrong?

Dater at Large said...

Nicole, agreed! The blog does list the do's and don'ts of dating me in particular.

Whizalen, normally you would not be wrong. But this was a special circumstance :)