Don't Take the Lead
if You Don't Want to be Followed

Monday, September 14, 2009
Last Saturday I had one of those experiences I never get to have myself but am constantly hearing about from other people. I met someone, randomly, and we hit it off.

I was at German Fest with a gal pal and we crossed paths with this guy when I was hopping around near the speakers and the polka band. He basically made fun of me, turning my obvious polka moves into lunges. We chatted briefly and then went our separate ways. He kept popping up, though, culminating in an unbelievably fun (and advanced) polka dancing bonanza. I felt like something was really starting for me.

And then I got dissed. Instead of my getting my phone number he went to the 7Eleven to get Gatorade.

When it happened I was really hurt. I felt like I wasn’t desirable and couldn’t read guy signals and that I should just throw in the towel altogether. I had also drank two and a half large steins of beer. So the next morning I thought about it again and you know what, I’m still kind of hurt.

I put myself out there, more than I normally do, but I was basically following his lead. He was clearly interested and so was I. I even went so far as to suggest that he call me sometime. He says, while holding his phone, that he doesn’t have my number… in fact he doesn’t know my name. So we exchange names and then for whatever reason he just bails.

Maybe this is how guys feel all the time, taking the lead and putting themselves out there, thinking they’re making progress only to get abandoned at last call. Maybe I’ve been that girl and I’ve been insensitive or unaware to their pain all these years.

To my credit, I didn’t try to lead anyone on on purpose. And Lunge Guy, he did do it on purpose, finding me over and over during the fest. I mean, he taught me the words to "Take Me Home, Country Roads". We did a dip during our dancing!

I guess the point of this rant is that no one should be leading anyone else on. If you aren’t available then you shouldn’t be doing things that indicate (a) you are available and (b) you are interested. Don’t see if you’ve still got the moves, don’t walk the thin line between having fun with a stranger and cheating on your actual significant other and don’t invite someone to polka. Dancing is surprisingly personal, it requires really focusing on your dance partner and trusting them.

Fortunately there’s a silver lining to this night, besides the delicious potato salad, and it’s that I’m a pretty good dancer. I think I’m going to make a pretty good girlfriend, too, as soon as I find the right partner.


Nicole said...

You may want to check the CL missed connections for this guy. He might have woken up the next morning realizing what an idiot he was for not getting your number.

Amy said...

Definitely the opposite of smart for not getting your number!

Anonymous said...

Don't feel too bad, I knew a girl who went to that very same Germanfest, drank those very same steins of beer, fell in love over polka, ate a burrito, passed out and never talked to that man again.

Dater at Large said...

Anonymous: I wish I had access to a burrito after all the delicious beer! I will be on the lookout for your missed connection on CL as well as mine...

You Make My Date said...

Interesting point about leading people on. Unfortunately it's such a subjective thing - I've been told I lead people on when really I think we're just going for a movie and dinner as friends! (Suicide Boy from my blog is a perfect example).

You're right about dancing - much more personal. He probably picked you because you have hot moves though, from the sounds of it ;)

I think that putting yourself out there was a fantastic move - it's a numbers game, so the more you do it, the more likely you are to find Mr Right! :)

Dater at Large said...

YMMD: Thanks for the vote of confidence! I'm hoping the stats will be in my favor, eventually.