The Stand-In

Thursday, May 20, 2010
Every so often you meet someone who you don’t actually date, but you end up chatting with over an extended period of time. The Gentlemen turned out to be that kind of dude. Even though we never met up after our first date I sporadically received late night calls and text messages from him. The other day he popped up over IM and we ended up having quite the conversation. It started out pretty standard.

The Gentleman: What’s up?
Me: Hey stranger. How are you?
The Gentleman: I'm good and you? You're too busy for me these days?
Me: I'm good, thanks. Not too busy, but have been taking a little dating break. I appreciate your random late night texts, though.
The Gentleman: What's the reason behind the break? Found Mr. wonderful...
Me: Hardly. Just found myself not feeling as resilient and open as one needs to be.
The Gentleman: Okay... Well if you are ever in the mood for a casual hang out buddy, with no strings attached, and no pressures, let me know.

We chat a bit more about the ins and outs of dating. And then it gets interesting.

The Gentleman: So what happens when you have needs? You'll start dating again, or is there a stand in guy already as to why you don't answer your phone late night? :-)
Me: Too funny. I actually do have a stand in guy (technically) but I'm not really that into him.
Me: I don't answer my phone late at night because I'm sleeping, usually. You and I have very different schedules it seems.
Me: Are you offering to be my stand in guy?
The Gentleman: I'm definitely interested in being your stand in guy, I think... what’s wrong with the one you have now?
Me: You think? Would it change if I threw in that key chain I actually did pick you up when I was on vacation?
Me: The other guy is someone I'm not into physically - or personally, really. We almost went out on a date a very long while back, but he was really emotionally needy and so that didn't happen.

And then we very candidly discuss the details of our stand-ins. How we schedule, what the roles are, etc. His arrangement is substantially more structured than mine and seems more like a training program for the bedroom than regular access to a casual hook up. It’s an enlightening view into at least this male’s psyche.

Ultimately he offers to bump his scheduled appointment later that night with his stand-in if I’m interested. I consider it, but I decline.

It’s funny. I would definitely have been into him as a stand-in, but knowing how many he has, and how specific he is about the activities makes the situation substantially less desirable. Too much information about his personal life. Too much pressure to perform, I think.

I'm not deleting his number just yet, though. It can't hurt to have a stand-in while I'm looking for my stand-up guy.


Lifebeginsat30ty said...

How specific are we talking? Examples? I'd be really interested to know myself!

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Ah, so familiar...lost count of the number of stand-ins I've inadvertantly had while trying to find Miss Right.
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Nicole said...

Um, this guy just gave me major ick factor.

Jenny DB said...

interesting. imho don't do it unless youre REALLY desperate. he sounds like a sleaze..

Kitty Moore said...

I agree with Jenny - he sounds like a bit of a sleazeand how many 'stand-ins' does he have exactly?!

Dater at Large said...

Don't worry all, I'm pretty sure the sleaze factor is what's kept me from responding to subsequent calls. Guess I shouldn't have nicknamed him The Gentleman, huh?

LBa30ty: It was as specific as it gets, but too graphic for this blog.

jo said...

i'm glad that you didn't go for it. and the specifics are graphic? wow! i'm curious to know too haha!

jo said...

i'm glad that you didn't go for it. and the specifics are graphic? wow! i'm curious to know too haha!