Case in point: Let’s say you go out on a dinner date and each of you brings home leftovers. The next day you get an email from the guy saying that he’s enjoying his leftovers, but not as much as if he was eating them with you. If you like this guy, you probably just smiled. If you don’t like him, you just threw up a little bit.
On this blog I spend a lot of time railing on guys for their bad dating form, and in most cases their form would be unacceptable no matter how much I liked them. But mostly I think all those qualifications and behaviors I have outlined for my new boyfriend are just my mind’s way of letting me know I don’t like someone.
Take two guys I recently chatted with on OK Cupid.
- Guy #1 was an attorney who had just relocated from New York. I responded to his IM without reading through his profile (don’t do that, by the way), just saw his teeny photo and age. Early in the chat he told me his divorce was going to be finalized the next week (as to why he relocated) and I told him that probably meant we weren't going to be a great match. I didn’t even want to learn about him – if he was still technically married I presumed he hadn’t distanced himself enough for a new relationship.
- Guy #2 was a guy who had shown up in my Quiver Matches and whose profile I found really amusing. I also thought he was cute in his pics. I basically already liked him, and when in our IM chat he told me he was unemployed it didn’t even phase me. Nor did the fact that he practically lived on the opposite corner of the city (outside of realistic taxi fare range).
Should you throw out your wish list of qualifications? Of course not. Just treat it for what it is. A wish list.