A Moment of Weakness

My borrowed Match.com subscription is ending in about a week, and in thinking about whether to renew it I realized how disappointed I am in the lack of interest I’ve received these past 4 or 5 months. In fact, I’ve also been doing very poorly on OK Cupid, especially after turning off IM capability to men under 24. I decided to take full advantage of my last few days on Match.com and sent emails to 5 different guys. Not one responded. Add that to a number of CraigsList emails I had sent out with minimal response and I started the week off feeling very undesirable to the opposite sex.

Now I like to think of myself as an evolved woman, one who doesn’t define herself by the traditional societal standards. One who recognizes there are many areas that contribute to my success as a person. Certainly not someone who bases her self worth on her ability to attract and keep the attention of a desirable man.

Perhaps even more important than being evolved, I normally do well in pulling in interest. I even do well on repeat interest after initial communications and/or first dates. A lot of men find me attractive and they tell me so.

And yet, while watching The Bachelor “Women Tell All” I couldn’t help but feel terrible about myself. I needed validation, so I went back to an old standby, the Craigs List post.

I was not disappointed, and I am not ashamed that I felt markedly better about myself upon receiving not only a respectable amount of responses with decent quality content, but an impressive count of very attractive responders. Although I’ve been emailing a few guys, there are two standouts to keep your eyes on:

• The Dreamboat. Nicknamed as such for his ridiculously fit physique, the Dreamboat has a history as a competitive swimmer and current triathlon hobby for ongoing fitness, as well as being a dancing aficionado with a love of salsa. Ole!
• The Gentleman. Nickname refers to exceedingly high display of manners including getting out of the car to open the door for me and putting me back into my coat. Other pluses include being a very sexy and successful black man.

It's a temporary fix, I know. But I'd rather drown my self-worth issues in potential new mates than a pint of ice cream.