Failed First Dates: Go for the Gold!

One of my CL finds last weekend was looking for someone to watch the Olympics with, and in my email to him I mentioned my love of NCAA sports, and how I was hoping an Illini win on Sunday might bump them into the Top 25. I added that even if they didn’t end up ranked, beating Ohio State would be a victory enough for me. It briefly crossed my mind that I could easily be responding to a Buckeye, but I left it in since it‘s a chance for super secret bonus points. Being from Ohio is one of the three things I hate but know my future mate will love.

When I got his response a few hours later it was from an address with his full name. Google yielded nothing but on Facebook his mostly hidden profile did reveal one gem. His alma mater is one Ohio State University. Awesome.

He reveals his state affiliation in his second email to me, reacting surprisingly well to my relatively tame indication of how negatively I feel about Ohio. Seems like there may be some potential with him so we tentatively plan to meet up the next day after my basketball game for Olympic viewing.

The next day the Illini are beaten down by OSU, which although personally very depressing did provide a good backdrop for flirty text message banter. He seemed lacking in a plan - either location or specific Olympic event - so I suggested he join my gal pal and I where we were.

I was going for the gold! Being bold in meeting someone I had barely emailed barely a day later and knew nothing useful about! Inviting him out with friends of mine!

And this guy was going for the gold, too! Only he was winning at getting drunk faster than those of us who had been at the bar for several hours. After speed drinking a few bottle beers he switches to the bigger, and more economical, 20 oz cups that the rest of us are drinking. Maybe an hour into being at the bar, he starts with the Jaeger shots. He does one, by himself mind you, and then another. And then another. And another! And finally, another! Five in all in a little over an hour… a record breaker, I’m sure, for the category of day drinking.

He didn’t seem that drunk when he left (before the rest of us), but it wasn’t the shots that had me disinterested. A high tolerance is a plus. No, he just wasn’t that much of anything great in person. There wasn't much in the physical attraction category and conversation was pretty forced, even with multiple sporting events and my friend being from the same area as he was in his native Ohio.

There’s a reason you’re supposed to screen people you meet online, it’s so you don’t waste your time not liking them in person. It's hard to believe a professional dater like myself could have made such a rookie mistake, but an Olympian wouldn't let a bad fall keep them from the podium and neither will I. Now surely that deserves a medal.