Haiku Heroics

Years ago, sort of as a joke, I wrote a haiku about a relationship that had ended.

high school crush fulfilled
snuggly late night rendezvous’
it ended with eggs

It was so amusing for my girlfriends that I have since written haikus about every guy I meet when things don’t work out romantically. Not every guy is warrants a whole post, though, so here are a few other haikus that you might enjoy:

post play-off hook up
crazy ex beating down door
scoring drive reversed

Back when the Bears were in the playoffs I ended up hitting it off with a neighbor of one of my friends. I also ended up drinking approximately 25 cups of beer and half a bottle of champagne. Fast forward to the wee hours when a similarly drunk but substantially more fired up (ex)girlfriend of my hook-up is banging on the door, screaming to be let in because she knows he has some whore in there. Nothing kills the mood as quickly as hoping you aren’t going to have to get into some sort of brawl with a drunk crazy woman who remembered where the spare key was.

rich, drunken sailor
only wanting to make out
shape up or ship out

I am constantly meeting guys who say they want a girlfriend but actually just want a hook-up buddy. With this guy, first I got invited to hang out on the sailboat (read: makeout). Then to watch football at his place (read: makeout). Then more sailing (more makeout). I like making out as much as the next person, but honestly he wasn’t that good. And with nothing else to put in his plus column he simply had to go. He was also a Notre Dame fan, so there’s no love lost there.