"Smells like, victory." Kilgore
It’s a new year, dear readers, and I’ve got a new attitude to go with it. A friend asked me today whether this year was going to be “my year”, and you know what? I just decided it is. Maybe not the year I find true love, but this year is the year where I finally stop wasting time searching for it.
I’ll still be on the lookout, of course, I’m still hoping to come across it, and I understand that will take time and effort. No, what I’m talking about is not wasting any of my time and effort on anyone who isn’t amazing, who isn’t someone I can’t wait to talk to and spend time with.
That’s right, this year I stop wasting time on all those losers. Like Surf Dude. Remember him? After an entire year of silence he popped back up right before the New Year. A year to the day. He said he missed talking to me and hanging out. I bet he did. You know why? Because I am awesome to talk to and hang out with. And Surf Dude? He’s a lazy, shady douche bag who just wants to send millions of text messages to me. And several other women. At the same time. I can’t believe I wasted all that time thinking things *might* go somewhere with him. I can’t believe he thinks he can waltz back into my life after all this time and resume some semblance of a relationship (friendship or otherwise).
Of course I did try to get the scoop on Surf Dude’s shadiness, see I Did Not See This Coming, but basically he denied that the timelines were all overlapped. Said he’d been dating and breaking up in a cycle. Said he was sorry – not for being sketchy – but for having not reached out in all this time. I told him he didn’t have to answer to me, but several of those lady friends of his felt lied to. And since he wasn’t interested in giving me any gossip, I kicked his sorry ass back to the curb. Where it belongs.
ENOUGH, I say, of men who like me enough to use all their message minutes texting me but not any of their face time. ENOUGH, I say, of men who want me to do all the work in relationships. ENOUGH, I say, to the third and fourth and fifth chances, and to not wanting to be the bad guy and to not holding out for what I deserve.
Enough is Enough. Viva la 2011!
Showing posts with label Surf Dude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Surf Dude. Show all posts
I Did Not See This Coming
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Late Sunday night I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize that I let go to voice mail. Monday morning I noticed a text message from that same number. It read: Hi I know you don’t know me please call me it’s about a guy you dated that I have been with for the last 2 years. Thank you.
I waited till I got into the office to return the call and after a caveat statement saying this was the weirdest conversation I’d probably ever have I was asked if I had dated a man named Surf Dude.
Uh, hold the phone, please. Surf Dude?! The man who can’t even return a phone call? The man who had sent me hundreds of text messages during football season trying to get me to appear at his place? The man who just offered to cook me dinner and wanted to spend a romantic evening with me? The man I had just decided to give the boot to? Again?!
Over the next twenty minutes or so I was deluged with information, all of which I find fascinating and almost unbelievable. I couldn’t wrap my head around it, except to think that I had (a) never met the real Surf Dude and (b) had hit the blogging motherload.
First and foremost, I was the 5th of out 7 girls to return calls to the gal we’ll call Girlfriend #1. I didn’t think Surf Dude possessed the necessary fortitude it would take to carry on any deception, let alone several, but boy was I mistaken.
Girlfriend #1 seems to be a “real” girlfriend, who knows his family and has spent holidays there and has been dating him (with a few breaks) for the past two years. She happened upon his old phone, and due to clear shadiness on his part decided to investigate.
Based on her conversations, there are like 3 "girlfriends", and I have known him for just over two years, so I’m smack in the middle of the overlap period. He is actively talking to all of us, on and off. Some of the gems about the multiple relationships include:
Fortunately, I’m only on the periphery of the deception. After all, we’ve only gone on a handful of dates spread out over a lot of time and I picked up on his flakiness right away. I've never bought him anything more expensive than a beer. Appears I got off easy (well, that or these women REALLY need dating advice).
Girlfriend #1 was gathering information with which to hurl at Surf Dude when she picked him up from the airport Monday. What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on that wall! To the end, I’ve already sent the friendly text to see if I can be a “friend” to him… and I'm passing along my blog to her.
I waited till I got into the office to return the call and after a caveat statement saying this was the weirdest conversation I’d probably ever have I was asked if I had dated a man named Surf Dude.
Uh, hold the phone, please. Surf Dude?! The man who can’t even return a phone call? The man who had sent me hundreds of text messages during football season trying to get me to appear at his place? The man who just offered to cook me dinner and wanted to spend a romantic evening with me? The man I had just decided to give the boot to? Again?!
Over the next twenty minutes or so I was deluged with information, all of which I find fascinating and almost unbelievable. I couldn’t wrap my head around it, except to think that I had (a) never met the real Surf Dude and (b) had hit the blogging motherload.
First and foremost, I was the 5th of out 7 girls to return calls to the gal we’ll call Girlfriend #1. I didn’t think Surf Dude possessed the necessary fortitude it would take to carry on any deception, let alone several, but boy was I mistaken.
Girlfriend #1 seems to be a “real” girlfriend, who knows his family and has spent holidays there and has been dating him (with a few breaks) for the past two years. She happened upon his old phone, and due to clear shadiness on his part decided to investigate.
Based on her conversations, there are like 3 "girlfriends", and I have known him for just over two years, so I’m smack in the middle of the overlap period. He is actively talking to all of us, on and off. Some of the gems about the multiple relationships include:
- A 19-year old girlfriend (he's 32 or so)
- A woman who is apparently heartbroken that he's dating a whole harem
- A women who has lent him a few thousand dollars (yet to be repaid)
- A women who is “hooked up” with our city and Surf Dude has reaped the benefits of free everything, from hotel rooms to the basketball tickets he was supposed to score for he and I this upcoming weekend!
- A whole host of naughty photos sent to Surf Dude’s phone
- Multiple reports of issues in the bedroom (I can't report on that, btw)
Fortunately, I’m only on the periphery of the deception. After all, we’ve only gone on a handful of dates spread out over a lot of time and I picked up on his flakiness right away. I've never bought him anything more expensive than a beer. Appears I got off easy (well, that or these women REALLY need dating advice).
Girlfriend #1 was gathering information with which to hurl at Surf Dude when she picked him up from the airport Monday. What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on that wall! To the end, I’ve already sent the friendly text to see if I can be a “friend” to him… and I'm passing along my blog to her.
Dating Imitates Work
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Surf Dude is a project. He’s a project in that I don’t think he knows what he should be doing to push our relationship forward and most of what he does do seems way too advanced for where we actually are.
I say all the time that I don‘t want a dating project, which is ironic since what I do for a living centers around project based work. I work with companies that interact with mine, walking them through a process to get them ready for new or changed aspects of the data that goes back and forth between us. I lay out a time line, the different steps of our testing, applicable dependencies and such. I provide status as to their progress, whether they’re on track to complete by the deadline or whether they’re falling behind. I get a great deal of satisfaction when I am able to bring a business partner up to par and successfully sign-off on their readiness.
Why wouldn’t I want to use some of those skills in my dating relationships? Presumably someone who’s still single (but would prefer not to be) hasn’t gotten it right yet and may need some coaching to sustain a successful, longer term relationship. I get assistance from my friends, why couldn’t I be more vocal with guys I’m involved with to try and coach them?
I’m not going to make a project plan, of course, not going to identify dating milestones and tell him that his status is Yellow bordering on Red. I can let him know what I’m looking for, specifically, in terms of moving our relationship forward though. And I can see whether he is interested and/or able to do that. If not, I can walk away from it knowing I really gave it a decent shot.
Surf Dude may be like that super difficult client I had at the beginning of this past year. They were weeks and weeks behind schedule and yet I was able to whip them into shape and launch them on their desired go-live. It wasn't always easy, but with the right amount of pressure and assistance they were soon on their way.
Maybe Surf Dude just needs a map to my heart. Fortunately for him I'm excellent at graphical representations of projects, too.
I say all the time that I don‘t want a dating project, which is ironic since what I do for a living centers around project based work. I work with companies that interact with mine, walking them through a process to get them ready for new or changed aspects of the data that goes back and forth between us. I lay out a time line, the different steps of our testing, applicable dependencies and such. I provide status as to their progress, whether they’re on track to complete by the deadline or whether they’re falling behind. I get a great deal of satisfaction when I am able to bring a business partner up to par and successfully sign-off on their readiness.
Why wouldn’t I want to use some of those skills in my dating relationships? Presumably someone who’s still single (but would prefer not to be) hasn’t gotten it right yet and may need some coaching to sustain a successful, longer term relationship. I get assistance from my friends, why couldn’t I be more vocal with guys I’m involved with to try and coach them?
I’m not going to make a project plan, of course, not going to identify dating milestones and tell him that his status is Yellow bordering on Red. I can let him know what I’m looking for, specifically, in terms of moving our relationship forward though. And I can see whether he is interested and/or able to do that. If not, I can walk away from it knowing I really gave it a decent shot.
Surf Dude may be like that super difficult client I had at the beginning of this past year. They were weeks and weeks behind schedule and yet I was able to whip them into shape and launch them on their desired go-live. It wasn't always easy, but with the right amount of pressure and assistance they were soon on their way.
Maybe Surf Dude just needs a map to my heart. Fortunately for him I'm excellent at graphical representations of projects, too.
Wonders Never Cease
Monday, December 14, 2009
I have a confession, dear readers. I have not stopped texting Surf Dude despite haven officially given him the blog-boot about a month ago (see Wipeout: Surf Dude). Perhaps most disturbing, I have managed to rack up around $40 of additional cell phone charges this past month due exclusively to texting him. Clearly I have a problem.
Sometimes he starts it, sometimes I do, and we often talk about meeting up (usually one of us is tipsy during this exchange) and then we never do. Last night, though, the craziest thing happened. I invited him to come over to watch Elf, one of my most favorite holiday films. He wanted me to go over to his place. We went around a few times about each other's places via text and then HE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME OUT.
That isn’t even the craziest part. Listen to the date he proposed:
After months of not being able to ask me out at all he practically invites me to move in with him. Am I the only one who thinks there’s a progression from strangers to casual dating to serious dating? (the answer to that, by the way, is clearly yes). But I’ve got to give it to him for trying to suggest a normal date and saying Yes doesn't really hurt any.
We settle on the dinner part for sure, with me driving myself so that I can leave (I was given the options of him picking me up directly from work or at my house) anytime during his 12-hour plan that I deem appropriate.
Surf Dude has a terrible record for follow through, so I’ll let you know whether he even remembers to send me his address.
Sometimes he starts it, sometimes I do, and we often talk about meeting up (usually one of us is tipsy during this exchange) and then we never do. Last night, though, the craziest thing happened. I invited him to come over to watch Elf, one of my most favorite holiday films. He wanted me to go over to his place. We went around a few times about each other's places via text and then HE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME OUT.
That isn’t even the craziest part. Listen to the date he proposed:
- First, he picks me up and brings me to his place, where he cooks me dinner
- Second, we go to his basketball game (he’s very serious about not missing it) and presumably I cheer
- Third, we head back to his place for a movie, which we fall asleep watching
- And finally, I stay over and the next morning HE DRIVES ME TO WORK
After months of not being able to ask me out at all he practically invites me to move in with him. Am I the only one who thinks there’s a progression from strangers to casual dating to serious dating? (the answer to that, by the way, is clearly yes). But I’ve got to give it to him for trying to suggest a normal date and saying Yes doesn't really hurt any.
We settle on the dinner part for sure, with me driving myself so that I can leave (I was given the options of him picking me up directly from work or at my house) anytime during his 12-hour plan that I deem appropriate.
Surf Dude has a terrible record for follow through, so I’ll let you know whether he even remembers to send me his address.
Wipeout: Surf Dude
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Irish southsider
making plans than canceling
too laid back to care
making plans than canceling
too laid back to care
Well, I think we all saw it coming, or at least I should have. All that giving Surf Dude a second chance did was increase my cell phone charges due to an excessive amount of text messages and confirm for me that he’s exactly the person he was two years ago.
Need a recap? Surf Dude was one of those guys you meet and like, really like, but he’s dating challenged, really dating challenged. He has potential, though, so you give him more chances that he deserves, hoping you might be able to kick him into gear. You can’t, of course, and so eventually you give up feeling like you failed. In reality though, you should have walked away right at the beginning.
I experimented with presenting my interest in Surf Dude in more direct and regular ways than I normally do for the past month or so, hoping I’d see different results. There were sparks of improvement… he called and texted regularly, and he even invited me to hang out a few times.
We never did hang, out, though. For reasons that were exactly the same as before.
Past Example: Surf Dude and I have plans to hang out. He is supposed to call later that day but I don’t hear from him for say 2 whole days. When I CALL HIM, thinking that the only possible excuse he could have is that he was in the hospital it turns out he WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. He had a semi-concussion after getting hit in the head with a box helping his friend clean out a garage.
Current Example: Surf Dude and I have plans to hang out. He is supposed to call when he’s leaving his friend’s but then I don’t hear from him for 3 whole days, including a weekend. When I TEXT HIM, to tell him that I’m cutting him off, he responds that his phone had broken and he’s been without it all weekend and just got a new one that day.
All right, so they aren’t exactly the same situations, but I play the same role in both. I get invited to meet up and I get blown off. I do the follow up and then I get a lame, albeit semi-valid excuse.
This past weekend Surf Dude suggests we meet up for a movie on Monday. Monday around 8p he texts me to say he’ll be later than expected because his basketball league is running behind. I finish lounging around my pad, then fall asleep without hearing from him at all.
And we’re done.
A Long Shot at Love
Sunday, October 25, 2009
So here’s the story on the potential other guy on the scene (that is maybe drawing my attention away from Marathon Guy - who, by the way, mostly sent me lame text messages this weekend but did leave one very sweet voicemail after my football team lost on Saturday)
Exactly two years ago I met a guy we’ll call Surf Dude through a CraigsList post and I really liked him, right off the bat. He was the type of guy I’ve always been attracted to, with a few twists. We started dating but I ended things when it became clear that he wasn’t able to (or wasn't willing to) find time to call me or make plans or worst of all, meet up with me when we actually had plans.
It was really disappointing, I thought he had so much potential and it had been so long since I‘d met someone I really liked… but it was so frustrating being consistently blown off. Regardless for another six months or so after that we sort of tried off and on. He even came to a friend’s wedding with me, but was so withdrawn and off-putting that I cut him off entirely.
Until we started talking again, for one reason or another, and for the past year or so we’ve talked randomly, mostly about sports. I’ve even seen him a few times and sometimes it’s like we’re dating (like when I accidentally joined his family at a festival this summer) and other times not (like when I just sat there at the bar while he bullshitted with the owners and didn't think to introduce me).
When he popped up this last time, I went all in, explaining how I like him, but how it's clear that he either doesn’t like me or doesn’t have the time for me. He of course said I had it all wrong, that he does want to spend time with me and didn't realize I still liked him. I didn’t believe him, but told him to give me a call sometime, that I would love to hang out with him.
I’m trying not to get my hopes up (more than they obnoxiously already are), but I’m not exclusively dating anyone else and it isn‘t like our relationship has anywhere to go but up. Then again, Surf Dude said he’d call me back in 2 minutes… 2 hours ago.
Exactly two years ago I met a guy we’ll call Surf Dude through a CraigsList post and I really liked him, right off the bat. He was the type of guy I’ve always been attracted to, with a few twists. We started dating but I ended things when it became clear that he wasn’t able to (or wasn't willing to) find time to call me or make plans or worst of all, meet up with me when we actually had plans.
It was really disappointing, I thought he had so much potential and it had been so long since I‘d met someone I really liked… but it was so frustrating being consistently blown off. Regardless for another six months or so after that we sort of tried off and on. He even came to a friend’s wedding with me, but was so withdrawn and off-putting that I cut him off entirely.
Until we started talking again, for one reason or another, and for the past year or so we’ve talked randomly, mostly about sports. I’ve even seen him a few times and sometimes it’s like we’re dating (like when I accidentally joined his family at a festival this summer) and other times not (like when I just sat there at the bar while he bullshitted with the owners and didn't think to introduce me).
When he popped up this last time, I went all in, explaining how I like him, but how it's clear that he either doesn’t like me or doesn’t have the time for me. He of course said I had it all wrong, that he does want to spend time with me and didn't realize I still liked him. I didn’t believe him, but told him to give me a call sometime, that I would love to hang out with him.
I’m trying not to get my hopes up (more than they obnoxiously already are), but I’m not exclusively dating anyone else and it isn‘t like our relationship has anywhere to go but up. Then again, Surf Dude said he’d call me back in 2 minutes… 2 hours ago.
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