Slow Motion Man

smart, nice, architect
moving so slow we have stopped
still can’t build me love

You know that commercial for Jimmy Dean breakfast snacks where the little kid gets slowed waaaay down by the evil Slow Motion clock guy when he's running around in the gym? No? Well check it out here and then get back to reading because that's what appears to have happened with The Architect.

He’s the little kid being slowed down, and I’m the Jimmy Dean sun guy, throwing turkey sausages at him to try to give him the motivation to get going (I have no idea who the clock is in this analogy, I just really get a kick out of this line of commercials).

But despite him confirming he was interested and me clarifying that my interest was contingent on actually spending time with him, it seems we’ve slowed down even more than the initial slow down that prompted me questioning his interest in the first place. And lest you think that I’m rushing things, I’m talking about chatting over email a few times a week, hanging out maybe once a week and capping that hanging out with some old school make out activity, circa the 9th grade (or at least my 9th grade, I was good).

What’s happened instead is that after I reached out a few times, and saw him once, with not so much as a hand on my knee to indicate any physical interest, I have not heard from him at all. In two full weeks.

I am a lot of things dear readers, but delusional is not one of them. I know that I demonstrated clear and continued interest that has not been returned. And that even though there are plenty of reasons why someone might suddenly drop out of play, they all boil down to just one: “I’m not that into you”.

So no matter how awesome the custom wine cellar The Architect could have designed for my future single family home in the city could have been, I’m officially calling this one. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some delicious breakfast snacks to enjoy.

Fireworks.

I just made an amazing connection on a first date. We were sitting outside on my balcony, enjoying some fireworks and beers on a gorgeous summer night. We had everything in common. He has friends with a house on the same lake my parents do. He’s obsessed with the Midwest beer festival I go to every year (making me awesome, in his words). We talked about cycling, Champbana, water skiing, red wine…

The thing is, it wasn’t my first date, it was my neighbor’s. And I was on a date of my own, so to speak.

I had invited The Architect over as part of my “I’m pretty sure we’re heading down the friends path but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt” outreach program, and in a sangria-induced high my neighbor G and I had decided we should make it a double date so she tacked on the fireworks at the end of her first date she was in the midst of planning.

Things were going pretty well, I thought, given the randomness of the guest list, but then I noticed that he and I were doing most of the talking. When G and I stepped back inside to replenish the beverages I checked in with her to see how the earlier portion of the date had gone. And apologized for monopolizing him during the conversation. We joked about her giving me his number, but I’m pretty sure we just had common interests, not boyfriend-girlfriend chemistry.

As for the actual connection I was trying to develop, I can’t say I made any progress there, although we did find another crazy overlap. The Architect used to be neighbors with one of my current neighbor pals, a fact we realized when we spotted her outside walking the dogs. We all headed into the hallway for a meet and greet before winding down our evening.

I guess there weren’t any real love sparks flying around that night, I received a hug for my efforts and a terribly vague statement about getting together again some time.

And G? She got a hug, too, but I think she’s going to give her guy an actual shot as part of her “maybe I should date someone different than I usually do” plan. I think he’s a good choice, I mean he’s into everything I like so that’s probably more an endorsement for me, but we’re friends so it stands she’d like him too, right?

Back on Track. I Think.

Well. I can’t say that the break had quite the intended effect. In fact, it was lasting a lot longer than I had anticipated without any indication whatsoever from The Architect that he was interested in seeing me in person again.

It seems the only thing he wants to do is wish me a good morning via one of those pesky one-line emails. Or he shares those details about one’s life that I’d prefer to wait to learn until an actual relationship has commenced, since they in no way add to my desire to see him naked. You know, like that he’s been pounding water to encourage pee breaks at the office since his work load is so high. Or that he has a headache, but he didn’t drink any alcohol the night before, just a lot of iced tea.

I was finding myself losing interest, but I’d really thought the The Architect had some potential, excessive water drinking notwithstanding, so I put my big girl pants on and straight up asked him what was up.

I asked him whether he saw us in the friend zone or the dating zone… and that I’d been feeling the friend vibe from him so I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He said he was interested in me “more than a friend”, but that he liked to take things slow so they didn’t burn out. I reciprocated the interest, and said that I could appreciate a slower speed, but that I’d need things to at least be moving forward. I defined moving forward as seeing each other on a semi-regular basis. We’re at close to two weeks since our last get together, for those of you keeping track at home.

He appreciated my perspective, agreed with my position. So... great! I had put myself out there and now we were back on track.

Or we would be, anyway, assuming he reaches back out sometime in the semi-near future.

One date, Two date, Three date, Break!

Drinks… check. Dinner… check. Movie… check. The Architect and I managed to sail through three dates in a little over a week, which isn’t a record for me but is pretty darn close. The frequency was in part due to the ridiculously overbooked, out of town summer schedule I’m working my way through, but honestly I think I liked seeing him.

I was starting to wonder where things were headed, though, since we hadn’t really made any progress on the making out scene. Truth be told, I was a teensy bit worried about it. In admitted double-standard fashion, when someone’s very into me physically I tend to discount his interest, but when someone seems genuinely interested in me sans the physical I suddenly feel… slighted. I mean, didn’t he want to make out with me?

I reviewed the evidence while we were on a work and travel schedule imposed break on any new dates:

Frequent communications… check. There was an almost daily communication initiated by him, usually those one-line, check in type messages (which I hate, but am trying to see as thoughtful). Great conversation… check. Every time we ended up chatting, in phone or in person I was completely engaged in talking to him and we rarely had any of those weird pauses. Attraction… check. At least for me, anyway. Something about this man was definitely desirable to me and I consistently felt like I was leaning in, trying to coax him into making a move (yes, I can make moves myself; I guess I just wanted him to).

Yep, everything a budding relationship needed seemed to be there. Maybe I was jumping the gun just a little, there was plenty of time for The Architect‘s affections to go straight from barely noticeable to downright smothering.

And perhaps the break would help. You know, so he could miss me. And so I could figure out some more effortless adorable outfits. Dating so frequently has been hell on my relatively lazy fashion sense.

First Date High

You know that crazy high you get when you have a great first date? When your mind swims with visions of you and your clearly-soon-to-be-new-boyfriend going on trips and holding hands while strolling about? When you’re so drunk with the promise this new relationship holds that you tell all your girlfriends about it, gushing about all the reasons you like him?

I feel that way right now, minus the gushing. I simply am not a gusher. I’m sure the crash is coming, but in the meantime, let’s all bask in the glow of that rarity that is the great first date.

It took about a week of emailing with The Architect to get the meet up in person, and it’s a good thing, too, since despite having only been chatting for a relatively short time I was starting to cross over into that dangerous place where I really like a guy on paper (or internet paper, anyway) and start panicking that the in-person interaction simply won’t match up.

It did, though. The Architect was normal cute and above-normal smart. We have lots of things in common. Like he drunk paints and I drunk clean. And we both like the driving range more than the actual golf course. And, very important, we both like PBR.

He seemed laid back, which is probably a good counterpoint for me, but passionate and opinionated at the same time. We were mutually impressed by the other’s careers. He’s grows strawberries on his deck and had the latest scoop on the NFL lock out. He’s a gentleman and I didn’t feel smothered letting him be one.

If anything he was more engaging than I’d found him in our very conversational emails. So much so that I resorted to slapping my hands over my mouth to stop myself from constantly interrupting him. He said it was adorable, but I’m guessing he wouldn’t have if he realized it was also keeping me from leaning over and kissing him right there at the bar.

It was like the longer we sat there the more attractive he became, and not because I had several beers over the course of our 3 hrs plus date, because I also had snacks during that time. There was just something about him.

He’s already suggested that we get together again and I (embarrassingly) can’t wait to see him. I hope he comes through, ‘cause I’m gonna need another hit of this stuff soon.

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Google

After receiving an email back from The Architect I decided to Google his screen name, since it looked a lot like his real name. Turns out it was, and there were a few links associated directly to him that returned. Not too many, though, just enough confirm his identity/job and pique my interest a bit more.

First, one of those websites that pulls information from other websites and then pretends you have a profile on their site came back with the small town in Michigan that my very good friend is from. The Architect had mentioned that he was from that state, and I was conveniently having drinks with that gal later that very day. I shot off a quick email to see if she knew him.

Second, the following question asked 6 months ago on one of those “how to get a job” websites: Is there any employers that will accept people with a felony conviction? Ignoring the obvious grammar error, I was momentarily concerned. I wasn’t able to pull back any information about the poster of the question, but a quick check of his LinkedIn profile assured me that six months ago The Architect was gainfully employed. Hopefully that clears that up.

The most intriguing thing that came up was that he appears to be kind of an artist. Off his LinkedIn profile he had a personal website, which linked to a Facebook album, with all these paintings and drawings that he had done. Maybe there was even a sculpture in there. I just glanced through them, though, too much investigation and I’ll appear like a stalker.

Not bad for 15 minutes, eh? I love the Internets.

I Love a Good ‘Stache.

After last week’s moment of weakness surrounding Summer Boy I realized I had been right. The only way to move past someone – or the lack of someone – is to find someone new. And better. Better for me, anyway. So I bit the bullet and re-instated my old online dating profile. The free one, of course, while I begrudgingly realize that I need the internets to find available men, I am certainly not on board with throwing any more of my hard earned cash at those sites.

Turns out it wasn’t so bad, there were some good finds out on good ‘ole OK Cupid! And some old friends, like the Karaoke King, who viewed my profile shortly after it re-posted. I decided not to return the viewing.

I did, however, send a few (two) emails to particularly good postings in an effort to be an active dater. I almost never send initial communications, despite being a (relatively) good writer, I find that I consistently fall short on the introductory email. Or at least that’s how it seems, since I have a very poor return percentage on initiating contact.

I’m trying to do something different than I have before, though, so I came up with a new strategy and decided to keep the emails short. A sentence or two complimenting something specific I had enjoyed about their profile and then an invitation to chat further should they be interested.

They went out to two gents, who drew me in with these details:

• The Architect, whose pictures include done of him with an awesome fake mustache. I heart mustaches.
• The Church Musician, whose profile included that he makes pie. I too, am a successful pie-maker.

So far I’ve received back and email from The Architect as well as some other random whose profile I hadn’t yet viewed. One out of two! That ain’t bad.