Righting the Courtship

Thank you for this blog. That's all I can say....

2012-01-11T21:39:16.682-06:00

Thank you for this blog. That's all I can say. You most positively have made this blog into something that's eye opening and important. :)

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Right on. Way to go. Good luck.

2011-07-19T17:34:42.919-05:00

Right on. Way to go. Good luck.

You know, I've noticed something about a lot o...

2011-07-08T12:45:47.436-05:00

You know, I've noticed something about a lot of women writing about their dating experiences. On the one hand, there's this frequent sense that many guys are just looking for sex. And women saying they are frustrated that guys are all over them at the end of the first date, trying to get them to go home with them.

On the other hand, there is this frustration/confusion you speak of about a guy who isn't acting out physically, who isn't leaping to make out with you after having known him - what - for a week or so.

The thing is, what's a man with integrity supposed to do? If this guy is interested, he's acting exactly how I would. He's initiating frequent contact, going out on dates with you, enjoying spending time together and getting to know you. And he's waiting to get physical.

Yes, it leaves things open-ended. You don't know for sure what his interest level is. However, the way I see it, the guys who are all over a woman during or after a first date tend to be into sex, or romance, but aren't actually into YOU.

It takes time to actually get to know someone. And sometimes, it takes time to know if you actually want to be intimate with someone as well.

Finally, there's nothing wrong with you making the first move. When I consider my own dating history, probably 1/3 of the women I have dated made the first move.

Just some things to consider.

OH, I love first date highs. Keep your spirits hig...

2011-07-04T10:32:18.776-05:00

OH, I love first date highs. Keep your spirits high and bask in the lust :)

FUN FUN FUN!!!! Loved reading this... keep us post...

2011-06-30T14:25:54.439-05:00

FUN FUN FUN!!!! Loved reading this... keep us posted :-)

I had forgotten who the Karaoke King was, so I che...

2011-06-23T09:41:41.905-05:00

I had forgotten who the Karaoke King was, so I checked out a couple old posts. I guess he still hasn't found his special snuggle bear. Pie is definitely enticing, but fake mustache indicates good sense of humor. And would look particularly fantastic with a few pie crumbs in it. Yum.

i liked your thinking on basing it based on what Y...

2011-06-13T22:00:25.003-05:00

i liked your thinking on basing it based on what YOU wanted to do. that is definitely the right approach. and i'm glad that you didn't run into any of 'em. at least you enjoyed your night better that way.

Oh he didn't blow me off. Just didn't kee...

2011-06-10T09:17:04.588-05:00

Oh he didn't blow me off. Just didn't keep the conversation going. It was a perfectly acceptable drop off in interest.

Never writing back when he knows you have friends ...

2011-06-08T15:25:46.900-05:00

Never writing back when he knows you have friends in common and will probably see each other?!? What is he retarded or something? Coward. Don't spare any more thought on him. Go to the bachelorette party and forget about him. Douche.

oh i'll take free shoulder rubs anyday!

2011-06-06T04:37:58.172-05:00

oh i'll take free shoulder rubs anyday!

Men are so easy...

2011-06-04T18:43:56.898-05:00

Men are so easy...

i have also heard plenty of those kinds of comment...

2011-06-01T17:32:05.085-05:00

i have also heard plenty of those kinds of comments. at this point, i try not to respond positively or negatively.

they're mostly just trying to offer support, and wish for good things for you. but they also aren't YOU, and don't know what's gonna come or not come your way.

so, i basically try and not engage such things - easier said than done sometimes. but really, if someone is just offering platitudes, it's better to save your real stories for others who might actually listen to you.

i can relate. i've been on the receiving end o...

2011-05-31T00:26:34.737-05:00

i can relate. i've been on the receiving end of those well-meaning yet cliche phrases. and each time i found myself thinking "but you don't REALLY know that i'll find someone". but we all just hope that we eventually do. dating IS exhausting and sometimes it sucks.

2011-05-30T10:35:24.543-05:00

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Oh, and with that, I'll stop saying things lik...

2011-05-30T08:04:54.980-05:00

Oh, and with that, I'll stop saying things like that.

Your friends don't say things like that becaus...

2011-05-30T08:03:38.867-05:00

Your friends don't say things like that because they know or don't know it to be true. Nor is it nonsense or unqualified. The qualification is that your friends think very highly of you... they think you are smart, funny, kind, generous, and a great person to have in their lives... and so it beffudles them that a man, so far, has not felt the same. So, there appears to be only two explanations why someone hasn't snapped up a great person such as yourself: (1) you have been fooling them for years and you're actually a total asshole, or (2) it just hasn't happened *yet.* I'm guessing people probably don't feel real comfortable accusing you of option 1, so you hear a lot of option 2. Reason and logic says that great people find great mates... it seems your friends find it incredibly unlikely that you will go through the rest of your life without finding someone who agrees with what they think of you.

Nathan: completely agree. jo: i have sadly accept...

2011-05-25T10:42:27.549-05:00

Nathan: completely agree.

jo: i have sadly accepted the fact that i am never soooo obvious. unless i'm not interested, of course!

apparently my ex suitors say the same thing bout m...

2011-05-23T05:56:38.001-05:00

apparently my ex suitors say the same thing bout me too though i insist that it was soo obvious that i fancied them. but oh well. in this case, i guess you just have to wait it out. you already made your "move" to show that you were at least somewhat interested. and i'm of the firm belief that no matter how shy the guy, if he's interested, he'll definitely figure some way to show it.

I've been on both ends of this story so many t...

2011-05-21T14:42:14.413-05:00

I've been on both ends of this story so many times. Am not always patient with the lack of clear direction. Sometimes I wonder if the fence sitting that I am doing, or my date is doing, is just delaying an ending. I long ago stopped believing in the whole "fireworks and wild chemistry" upon first sight story, but if the fence sitting lasts for very long, experience has shown me that no relationship will be coming.

I think the fact that he encouraged you to be at a...

2011-05-17T14:48:54.109-05:00

I think the fact that he encouraged you to be at an event that he will also be at means he was just as impressed ;) And we all get nervous when we actually care what the other person thinks! I had a friend once tell me that if I wasn't nervous, then what was the point? I agree! Have fun!

Agreed! My comparison shopping is more the result...

2011-05-15T15:35:27.819-05:00

Agreed! My comparison shopping is more the result of timing than intention. That and amount of free time.

There's also such a thing as too much comparis...

2011-05-14T12:15:12.023-05:00

There's also such a thing as too much comparison shopping. I have certainly done that in the past, and it left me empty handed in the end.

Maybe he runs a multipurpose shop...

2011-05-10T08:03:01.190-05:00

Maybe he runs a multipurpose shop...

Yeah, I guess not all friends know how you date - ...

2011-05-03T08:37:12.257-05:00

Yeah, I guess not all friends know how you date - as opposed to how you are with friends. I'm sure it won't live up to the hype, but it beats trolling the internet for randoms!

yes i agree, it's best to let the boys start t...

2011-05-03T04:54:57.452-05:00

yes i agree, it's best to let the boys start the ball rolling first. afterall you wouldn't want to seem too desperate right? besides you are very sort after :)

that said, most of my blind dates have never gone well even if they were orchestrated by a good friend who i would have thought would know me better than to set me up with her then fiance's very strange cousin.