I (Don’t) Hate It When That Happens

Saturday, March 27, 2010
I’m back from vacation, which means I should be excited about getting my 2nd date on the books with The Gentleman. Monday I saw him online, and sent an IM hello, but he dropped back offline before responding. And that night I sent him a text message, that I was back – with key chain – and would try to call him later as I had after work plans. And then I just didn’t. Didn’t call, didn’t email, didn’t text.

I find in early dating if I don’t talk to my new interest regularly I lose interest. This seems to happen no matter how into a guy I seemed initially, the longer the gap between talking the harder it seems to get over that hump of starting up conversation again.

I hate it when that happens, especially because there are a plenty of valid reasons why you wouldn’t be able to communicate with someone frequently when you meet him. Like because you are on vacation.

But it isn’t just the lack of talking, sometimes it’s difficulty in scheduling that pushes you and your maybe new boyfriend apart. You want to get together, you just can’t seem to successfully do so. This happened before my vacation with The Gentleman, I threw out day and evening options but none of them seemed to align with his non-standard (and seemingly impossible to decipher) schedule.

I hate it when that happens, and not just because “bad timing” has been a theme in my dating since I graduated college. It is beyond frustrating to find someone you want to spend time with only to be unable to spend time with them for reasons like work, a volleyball league or children's bed times.

Then again, sometimes in early dating you find you just aren’t interested. You bump someone to 2nd date status only to clarify for yourself on that date that they won’t be making it to #3. The Gentleman didn’t reach out to me either, which probably means he isn’t that interested in me. Things have sort of petered out on their own, so I don’t have to (a) try to explain why I’m not interested and (b) feel rejected (see a).

I don’t hate it what that happens; it's the cleanest possible ending when you don't find a connection with someone. No awkward conversations, no trying to spare feelings (or wishing yours had been spared). It's ideal.

There is one loose end - figuring out what to do with that key chain. I knew I shouldn’t have bought it.


Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

You describe online dating so well. I'm back on it now Winslet Bosom hasn't worked out. Quite depressing at times.
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Sounds like a mutual fade-out. I guess if you didn't really care, than it all worked out, yes? On to the next!

jo said...

i understand exactly what you mean. i think we all need enough of that constant contact in the early stages of dating. and while it's true that sometimes work schedules and whatnot can make it hard to fit in an appropriate time to meet, i also think that if you're both really interested enough, there's always time for at least a quick text or IM. in fact one of the things i really liked bout my bf was that when we first got to know each other, i was really really busy at work (think like 12 - 15 hours a day for close to a month), but he would always drop me a text or call just to ask how my work was going. i couldn't ever talk long but that did make me notice him.

so bummer that you bought a keychain, but at least there wasn't any awkward conversations to deal with.

Nicole said...

Totally agree with Jo - even the busiest of people find the time to touch base if they're really interested. And if you're letting 10 days or weeks go by without the urge to touch base, I think it's pretty clear that you're not interested. Goes back to your secret rules post... staying in some form of touch every 72 hours.

Sounds like that keychain is destined to house some spare key. I'm guessing it won't evoke as much as the monogrammed panties do.

Nicole said...

I'm thinking more about the keychain and you saying "I knew I shouldn't have bought it." You should always buy the keychain. One of these days, the metaphorical keychain is going to mean a lot to someone. And I'd be sad if our favorite optimistic dater quit buying the keychain.

Kitty Moore said...

I agree with Nicole about the keychain. And I'm looking forward to reading more about your adventures! x

Dater at Large said...

PMFOOW: Keep your chin up!

LB@30ty: Yes, onto the next! Although funnily enough last night The Gentleman called! No voice mail, so I think he's still "not that interested" :)

jo: I'm completely with you. Sometimes the little emails or texts just to stay in touch really do make a difference when schedules don't align.

Nicole: Even optimists have their moments. Although, I think I just found your birthday gift!

Kitty: I'll see what I can drum up. This characteristically optimistic dater is sort of down on love lately.