Falling Off the Wagon

I meant what I said about my resolution this year to stop wasting my time on lame-o dudes, but I have to admit that I’m already struggling to stick to it.

I did start off strong, earlier this week I did some OKC chatting with a guy who seemed decent in his profile with the exception of that fact that he only had photos with close-lipped smiles just like The Conductor did (which I obviously only realized after I went back and checked). The chatting was pretty lame, like the part about him having been recently been employed by PetSmart (seriously, it is really too much to ask that someone in their mid-30s be stable in their career?) and the part where he “asked me out”. I don’t usually quote word for word, but this one requires it.

so if you want i can give you my number and we can text or something and meet up sometime if you like?

I hesitated only moments before flat out declining.

I felt pretty good about myself, including the next day when The Conductor surprised me with an email vaguely asking about getting together on Friday. I declined citing prior (read: nonexistent) plans since I thought for sure he was one of those lackadaisical guys who doesn’t bother to put in any real effort.

It came as a surprise, then, when he came back to the table with a fully formed date suggestion for a different night.

I was impressed with his persistence, and actually considered whether to accept. As D pointed out, I'm always wishing guys would plan dates. Now here one had! Maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Literally, since we still don't know what the deal is with those missing teeth.

Anyway, I brought it up at lunch table to mixed reviews and then I spent about half an hour looking up the band he wanted to see and listening to their music to see if I liked it. I didn't.

I was still on the fence at the end of the work day, when I relayed the situation for another gal pal. And then it hit me. I was wasting all this time just deciding whether to go on a 2nd date! What was the matter with me?

Obviously I struggle with where the line is, between being too quick to toss a guy you barely know and giving him way too many chances. I want everyone to like me. But I only want guys I want to date to want to date me. That's never going to happen, so I'm going to need some rules if I'm going to keep to my resolution.

Here's the first one: If my response isn't YES!, then it’s No. After all I’m not trying to be the most popular single gal out there; I'm trying to get un-single.

Failed First Dates: This Train is Leaving the Station

lounge car conductor
high on chatter, low on teeth
not stable enough

When I got an email from OK stating that The Conductor and I had rated each other with high marks, I thought he’d be a great match for my plan to skip the get-to-know-you phase and go straight to dinner.

I wrote him a very direct email about wanting to grab sushi and he responded in the positive, although he made me do the math to figure out when he was available (he works 2 ½ days and off 2 ½ days). It wasn’t until this week, and despite having started communicating before the holidays we didn’t really chat until we actually met up for dinner last night. I considered the date basically blind.

He started off looking quite attractive - good height, nice eyes, potentially sexy facial hair - but as I was diligently paying attention to his chatting I noticed he seemed to be lacking several teeth. In a row. Possibly on two sides of his mouth. As someone who paid for her orthodontic work as an adult, bad teeth are a huge turn off for me. They’re also very confusing, certainly something you might consider explaining to the pretty lady sitting across from you.

It’s not all about looks, though, and I thought he had some great boyfriend qualities – close with family, interested in cycling (motor and bike), chef quality cooking skills. As I learned more about him I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe he wasn’t as stable as I’d expect (or want) someone 5 years my senior to be. He seemed fairly intelligent, and clearly employable - he’d been in the Army reserves, restaurant kitchens, data processing, the Army again and currently two plus years into his lounge car job serving snacks to passengers on trains – but nothing that seemed like he’d settled on a career. In fact he mentioned possibly wanting to get his bachelors. In what, he didn’t say.

Which is odd, because he was the one doing all the chatting. I did get the opportunity to talk about my job a bit (like that’s what I want to talk about) and I inserted a few comments about myself here and there, but mostly, he talked and I tried to stay interested in hearing him.

I'm happy to give him some leeway for nerves, and I can even overlook that he spit a few pieces of rice at me while talking (although I'd rather not), but he actually cut me off twice mid-sentence when I was attempting to contribute my own story amidst his.

I have a thing for common courtesy. And a full set of teeth. And the movie White Christmas, which is unfortunate, since now my visions of a cross country train adventure have been dashed.