Friday, January 14, 2011
Is there such a thing as an unrecoverable first date? Sure, if the other person finds your behavior SO unacceptable or your personality SO incompatible with yours that they in no way would consider giving you a second chance to make a first impression. I have been on many dates like that. But what if you find your own behavior so unacceptable that you don’t think you deserve a second chance?

Awhile back I met up with some pals who had come across this great guy that they thought I simply must meet. Now most previously suggestions of theirs have been dismissed immediately since they fell into the “he could be my father” category. This new suggestion came with a slew of positive sounding traits, including an appropriate age of 34, so I agreed to put on lip gloss and meet them out.

We’ll call him the Drunken Sailor, but really that’s what they all were. They had been sailing boats back down the Chicago river to be stored for the winter and drinking since 9a so they were all three sheets to the wind when I got there. Drunk or not, this guy was fantastic. He was exactly the kind of guy I could see myself dating. And marrying. And moving to Colorado with.

Because we continued drinking and the Drunken Sailor lived in the burbs it was abundantly clear that he would be staying in the city that night. As his future wife I obviously won the toss up.

On the walk back to my place there was adorable hand holding and kissing. And snuggling, since he’d foolishly left his jacket in his parked car. At my place he was one of the best behaved completely wasted guys I’d ever kept watch over. The following morning I drove him back to his car, gave him my number when he asked for it, and really hoped he would call.

I did hear from him, just once, a few days later. He apologized (again) for his behavior and thanked me for putting up with him. I said he was no trouble, because he wasn’t, and tried unsuccessfully to draw him out into meeting up again with a follow up call to clearly express my interest.

I wish I knew what happened. I mean, it’s possible that his attraction to me was based entirely on his BAC, but it’s also likely that he has no useful memories of the night (please see aforementioned BAC) and thinks worse of himself and what happened than what actually happened. At least that would explain all the apologizing he had done the night before.

I’m simply left to wonder. Whether there was something I could have done differently, if there’s still something I could do to get a do-over or if there are simply some situations that cannot be undone.


Rapunzel said...

Oh bugger!

As you know I'm currently writing about a romance over on my blog *Tales from the Tower* and I'm not playing that very well so I'm not the best person to advise.

Fingers crossed that someone can help though. Maybe being honest would help?

Rapunzel x

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

But you say he's friends of some of your friends? You should ask them to find out secretly! He may frankly just be very embarrassed about his behavior. If you really like him, I say contact him and ask him out. No hinting. What have you got to lose?

Nicole said...

A second to Lifebegins' suggestion... you need to hit up the introducing friends to find out what the deal is. I also like the suggestion of just out-and-out asking him out. You like when guys ask you out with plans-certain... do the same for him 'cause maybe he likes that too.

Dater at Large said...

Perhaps I didn't clarify. The Drunken Sailor isn't a friend of a friend, he met my friends the same day he met me. I would definitely have worked the friend option if it was an option.

And I did basically leave him a VM asking him out. It was not returned.

jo said...

i hate to tell you this. but perhaps he just wasn't that interested? it's a possibility as well that he could be apologising for maybe leading you on. afterall i once had a guy do just that a week after we made out saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and only wanted to be friends which of 'coz really just meant that he wasn't that interested in me since he never contacted since. i guess if he responds to your VM then there's something to go from there...