Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron.

Duder’s first response to me, sent at approximately 7pm, asked me when was a good time to call me the following night, so that he could have more time to develop another date idea. We’ve already established how obnoxious I find this behavior. He also basically says he has never been, and will never be a dancer. He suggests that perhaps he is giving himself more credit than he deserves in regards to putting himself outside of his comfort zone. That's right dude. One hundred percent certain.

Duder’s second response sent at approximately 11pm that same night, listed three very good activity date suggestions. Followed by each suggestion was why he didn’t think his suggestion was good.

Suggestion #1: The Driving Range

• Why I would have accepted: I LOVE the driving range, even more than I love golfing
• Why he pulled the idea: “that seems extremely ‘guy’ and not at all considerate of your wants”

Chauvinist much? I’m pretty sure that strip clubs are the only “guy” activity I know of.

Suggestion #2: Running

• Why I wouldn’t have accepted: Duder was new to running and seemed terribly self conscious about it. I definitely run with newbies, but it didn’t seem like something he would enjoy.
• Why he pulled the idea: Because he wouldn’t have enjoyed it. He said he knows I like it, and would like to cater to me even if it’s at the expense of his pride.

Oooh, martyr for a cause. And the cause is me! Look, if you don’t want to do something, don’t suggest it. With only the 2nd date I’m sure there’s plenty available that we both like to choose from.

Suggestion #3: Kickball

• Why I would have accepted: I really do want to practice before my kickball league starts
• Why he pulled the idea: He doesn’t have access to a kickball.

Problem Solving 101: Go fucking buy a kickball. You most certainly have access to stores, suburb boy, and probably access to $12.00.

Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!

He again suggested we talk on the phone the next day to discuss. What is there to discuss? What is the matter with him? I can come up with my own reasons to decline your ideas; I don’t need you to torpedo them for me. If you want a girl to spend time with you at least pretend to think she would enjoy doing so.

And what’s with the stream of consciousness? I appreciate that coming up with dates can be hard work; I just wish he would have kept some of his thoughts to himself, or ran them by a pal. I had no idea how to respond in a positive way to his suggestions without tearing him a new one for the crappy presentation.

Obviously I had to wait another full day before responding. I did the only thing I could think of. I took getting together Friday off the table entirely, and suggested we try again from scratch.

Dude, are you fucking this up?

I hate everything about Duder’s response to my email suggestion for our next date. I hate the way he shoots down my awesome dancing suggestion – stating that it’s awesome but that because he’s “frightened, weak, selfish, or just plain difficult” he has to decline. I hate the suggestion he counters with, going to see a free movie that he doesn’t necessarily seem interested in, just happened to receive an email notification for. He also offers to watch The Big Lebowski with me, which technically is still my suggestion since I had already told him I was planning to watch it.

I hate that he concludes by suggesting we discuss over the phone (instead of just calling me), and reminds me (not for the first time) that I should feel free to call him anytime, and that if he’s busy, he just won’t answer. Side note on the calling: During the NCAA tournament I sent him a text instead of calling because basketball was on. In part I didn’t want to disturb his watching of the game, but also I was watching the game and didn’t want to talk on the phone. He clarified several times after that that I should feel free to call him whenever I wanted. As if I needed his permission.

Basically I reject everything about his email. Now I realize that a LOT of guys would turn down the dancing suggestion. It’s not so much that he turned it down as the way he turned it down. It sounded like he was the kind of guy who would never, ever challenge the boundaries of his well defined comfort zone. That personality type is zero attractive to me; being willing to try new things is an absolute deal breaker. And his movie suggestion isn’t the worst idea ever; it’s just lame as a counter to my awesome activity date which I was quite excited about. In the words of a friend’s husband, “Your idea rules. His idea drools.” But I can’t very well write that.

Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. I wait a full day before responding.

I respond with the nicest possible email I can muster up. It attempts to address my concern that he’s not going to be as adventurous as I would have liked. It says “no thank you” to his counter suggestions, with the reason being that I wanted to have a more interactive date (as this is the only way I think I can decide whether we have a connection or not). I put the ball back in his court and ask what he does for recreation?

Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

Blond Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the fuck is this? The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.

This post is part of The Big Ledateski series. I recommend starting at the beginning.

Duder did not disappoint. Well, it was disappointing that he again used email to express his interest in seeing me again instead of giving me any indication of that interest while I was standing in front of him. But there it was, an email sent moments after he must have gotten home from our dinner date. It was titled “Date Debrief”. This guy wasn’t kidding when he said he wasn’t very good at dating.

The main content of the email was more of a follow up from a conversation we had had on our date. Duder had been lamenting having purchased tickets to a band show that was the same night as the NCAA final. Obviously he would be watching basketball, so he needed to offload the tickets. I had mentioned I had a friend who might be interested. I said that based on not recognizing most of the string of artists Duder listed as his favorites and that list sounding very familiar to a list my friend would have made.

In his email, Duder sent me the name of the band and show location, after stating that he “highly doubted my friend had even heard of them”. Then he launched into why my friend should look into this particular theater for live shows. I’m sure he was trying to be helpful, but he came off like a know it all.

As it turns out, my friend had not only heard of the band, he already had tickets. Here’s a hot tip for dating: give your date the benefit of the doubt. Just because YOU don’t believe she knows what she’s talking about, doesn’t mean she doesn’t. These fucking amateurs…

I digress. The rest of the email was about our dating. After restating he had a nice time he reminded me that he was still free on Thursday night. He then stated that his lack of early dating skills extended in no small part to not being able to come up with what to do. To conclude, he told me to enjoy the rest of the week.

I have another hot tip for dating: Stating you are available but suck at dating isn’t the best way to solicit a date suggestion. And even if you do suck, you still have to make an effort. Use the magic of the internet or your friends to come up with an idea. An interested gal will always counter suggest if she doesn’t like the option you presented her.

Now I was on the fence with Duder but I definitely thought he was a good guy. And it was stupidly clear he just needed someone to take hold of the dating reigns. I threw him a bone and made one last date suggestion. It was pretty awesome, I thought, an activity date involving dancing. A stretch, yes, which I explicitly stated in the email, but I really did think it would be fun if he agreed to go.

How would he react to such a bold challenge? Well, Dude, we just don't know.