One date, Two date, Three date, Break!

Thursday, July 7, 2011
Drinks… check. Dinner… check. Movie… check. The Architect and I managed to sail through three dates in a little over a week, which isn’t a record for me but is pretty darn close. The frequency was in part due to the ridiculously overbooked, out of town summer schedule I’m working my way through, but honestly I think I liked seeing him.

I was starting to wonder where things were headed, though, since we hadn’t really made any progress on the making out scene. Truth be told, I was a teensy bit worried about it. In admitted double-standard fashion, when someone’s very into me physically I tend to discount his interest, but when someone seems genuinely interested in me sans the physical I suddenly feel… slighted. I mean, didn’t he want to make out with me?

I reviewed the evidence while we were on a work and travel schedule imposed break on any new dates:

Frequent communications… check. There was an almost daily communication initiated by him, usually those one-line, check in type messages (which I hate, but am trying to see as thoughtful). Great conversation… check. Every time we ended up chatting, in phone or in person I was completely engaged in talking to him and we rarely had any of those weird pauses. Attraction… check. At least for me, anyway. Something about this man was definitely desirable to me and I consistently felt like I was leaning in, trying to coax him into making a move (yes, I can make moves myself; I guess I just wanted him to).

Yep, everything a budding relationship needed seemed to be there. Maybe I was jumping the gun just a little, there was plenty of time for The Architect‘s affections to go straight from barely noticeable to downright smothering.

And perhaps the break would help. You know, so he could miss me. And so I could figure out some more effortless adorable outfits. Dating so frequently has been hell on my relatively lazy fashion sense.


Nathan said...

You know, I've noticed something about a lot of women writing about their dating experiences. On the one hand, there's this frequent sense that many guys are just looking for sex. And women saying they are frustrated that guys are all over them at the end of the first date, trying to get them to go home with them.

On the other hand, there is this frustration/confusion you speak of about a guy who isn't acting out physically, who isn't leaping to make out with you after having known him - what - for a week or so.

The thing is, what's a man with integrity supposed to do? If this guy is interested, he's acting exactly how I would. He's initiating frequent contact, going out on dates with you, enjoying spending time together and getting to know you. And he's waiting to get physical.

Yes, it leaves things open-ended. You don't know for sure what his interest level is. However, the way I see it, the guys who are all over a woman during or after a first date tend to be into sex, or romance, but aren't actually into YOU.

It takes time to actually get to know someone. And sometimes, it takes time to know if you actually want to be intimate with someone as well.

Finally, there's nothing wrong with you making the first move. When I consider my own dating history, probably 1/3 of the women I have dated made the first move.

Just some things to consider.